Baby daddy diaries: Part 2 – Romance is brown bread

Well the baby daddy and I have been together about 10years now. I couldn’t tell you the date we became ‘official’ so there’s no Anniversary to celebrate. I just know it was around the time of my best friend Julie’s 21st. We did split for nearly a year in about 2012 I think. We argued all the time, he thought I was being some crank girlfriend. So we split up. And I said ‘go and get other girlfriends and you’ll see what a catch I am!’ And 3/4 or girlfriends/dating gals later, he came running back 💁🏻‍♀️ I am not a jealous person at all, so it honestly doesn’t bother me. We wasn’t together so he could get his end away all he wanted. I’m not saying at the time I wasn’t a wreck of a human. But I remained strong because I am strong independent woman. So without being pedantic, 10years’ish.

So within that time, we have gone through all the stages of relationships. The brand new, he’s the best thing since slice bread stage. The getting serious and moving in stage. The REALLY learning about eachother stage. Then the I hate him, he’s a prick stage. And then the oh let’s stay together stage 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

We’ve had, let’s say 9/10 valentines days together. And we’re just a week away from this years, romantical day. So all the cards, flowers and novelty shit is in the shops. To remind us to be romantic.

Moi and the baby daddy buy eachother 2 cards, I don’t really know why. I think I must of moaned one year that his card was shit. So he now buys one shit one and one he thinks I’ll like. So basically he buys 2 shit cards now. But that’s about as romantic as it gets. And I’m not lying, or playing it down when I say. I am fine with that. I think when you are first together, you make all the effort, with cards, flowers, a gift and a swanky dinner.

First off, I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out for a meal, on Valentine’s Day. The thought of sitting in a restaurant with a load of other couples, that are rammed in like sardines, on rows of 2 tables. So close that you can hear the next tables conversation. That’s not a bit of me. Moi and the baby daddy eat at the speed of light, we don’t ever drink if we’re eating. I don’t particularly like the taste of alcohol, I’m more of a binge drinker 💃🏻 Plus you’d most prob have a set menu. So it just doesn’t fill me with excitement. We’ve also been known to get mad dog at eachother during meal times or if we spend too much time together. Dinners out are not exempt from our hot head’ness. We once drove up to St Paul’s, to go for a nice romantical lunch/dinner. Had an argument at the table, just before the bill came. Over what I couldn’t tell you. The baby daddy put the money down and then walked out. I presumed just outside in a huff. So I’m slowly putting my coat on, thinking I’ll keep you waiting, you prat. Oh no, I walk out he’s nowhere to be seen. So still at this point I presumed he’d walked back to the car. So again, I think, I’ll keep you waiting. So I sat outside on a bench, eventually walked back. He wasn’t there😱 When I eventually rang him, he was pretty much home, on the train 😂 Never not couple goals 💁🏻‍♀️

The baby daddy asked me the other day what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. Like he would for my birthday, Christmas or Mother’s Day. He is totally incapable of putting any thought into any gift buying. This is something that does cause an argument. I’ll have to tell him what a selfish prick he is, he should be able to pick something I’d like. BUT in reality, I don’t even know what I want. I could say I like something one day, then the next I hate it. So I don’t know how i expect him to know what I want. We don’t buy eachother gifts for anything really. I said a few years ago at Christmas that I didn’t want presents anymore. I’d rather find something to donate to. There’s honestly nothing I want or need. And the reality is, if I want something (within reason) I buy it for myself. And the baby daddy is the same, he buys what he wants. So there’s nothing left for me to buy him, with his own money 😎 So without sounding flash because there is fuck all flash about moi. I’m currently £500 in my overdraft and I don’t know how. So that conversation with the baby daddy will be so romantical 😱 We have all we want, so don’t need to gift eachother on the 14th of Feb. Just because the adverts are attacking you from January.

Flowers, now I LOVE flowers. And nothing makes me happier than having them all around the house. BUT I tell the baby daddy every year, I never want them from a florist on Valentine’s Day. Or Mother’s Day. I think it’s basically financial rape. They charge you at least £100 for the shittest bunch known to man. And then I feel bad In having to pretend for a second, that I love them. So I usually take the monies of the baby daddy and then either, go to the flower market at Columbia road. Or go to … TESCOS. Yep. There is no shame in my game. I can not warrant the waste of money, even if isn’t my money. Don’t get me wrong, if we were minted, I’d full on expect the most amazing bunch. Not just on ‘hallmark holidays’ but randomly. And if I was next level minted, I’d want a florist coming in every week 😎 But we’re not. So I am grand with my £30/40 worth of flowers that I have chosen.

For me anyway Valentine’s Day is just for a gesture, not full on gift buying. But it’s Obvs a day for the # The boy did good to be rolled out. Under a picture of all the yellow selfridges bags and Chanel boxes 🙄

Personally, I’m all for ‘men’ having a day to remind them to be romantic. If the alternative is to get no romantic day! Then take it without being sour faced! I’ve now realised that if I want or expect something of the baby daddy, I need to say it out loud on more than one occasion. There’s no point in giving myself the hump, when come the ‘day’ he hasn’t been thoughtful or got me anything I actually want. So now I tell him straight! To prevent being in a mood for the day. Relationships are all about really knowing someone, better than anyone else knows them. So you should know there strengths and weaknesses. And instead of then getting the hump at one of their weaknesses!!! Which I’ve been guilty of, on many occasions. I now balance that shit out. An example being on my 30th birthday, I told him exactly what I expected in terms of decoration. I wanted balloons, what I wanted written on them, where he could get them from. I wanted a cake. All the shit, that i do for other people. That he wouldn’t give a second thought. He has no involvement in the decorating of the house for the babies birthdays, or Easter, etc. He mainly rolls his eyes but knows that shit makes me happy. So it would honestly never enter his brain, I better get some balloons. So then I would of come down and been fuming. So I took matters into my own hands. And I’m fine with that shit. My BFF Mac internet window shops like there is no tomorrow. And leaves stuff in her basket, then her husband will use his brain and order her some of those things for presents. Or go through her window tabs on the laptop to see what pages she’s been on. He’s some kind of modern man 😱 Then I have other pals that are mad dog when they didn’t get anything they wanted! But didn’t say what they wanted! Let alone hinted. So it’s swings and roundabouts Party People.

After writing this, I’m sure it sounds like we are doomed 😂 But the reality is, the things I class as romantic or thoughtful, are a sign of us being together for so long. So, when I’ve been hammering on for a week about recycling, not using single use plastics anymore. And then he comes home from Sainsbury’s with glass tomato ketchup and salad cream bottles, I think ahhh he’s been listening to me. That makes me happy. That he doesn’t think ‘oh for fuck sake, some other phase she’s going though’ 😂 Or when I kept watching the Coke Zero advert, a few years back when it first came out. And kept saying ‘I wish someone would do that to me, I’d be able to tell the difference’ on a daily basis. And he did it 😂. Or when he FaceTimes me from a shop to say they’ve got loads of Easter decorations in here, then show me what there is and then come home with the stuff he calls tat, knowing he will have to get the box out of the shed and put it back, every year. Along with the birthday boxes, the Halloween and Christmas boxes. So that to me is romantical enough. I don’t need him, to spend the dollar on near dead flowers from the florist. Or take me out for a meal. We’ve done that shit. We’re 10years in, so been there, done it.

Over and out. Roger That.

Alabama Lola ❤️

Baby daddy diaries: Part 1.

I know you’re all aware by now, that the baby daddy and I ARE what all couples should aspire to be like …

Well this morning, that fact was cemented into my brain yet again. I had to tell him about himself before 7am, whilst I was sorting out the dirty washing into coloured piles. He’s not usually within sight when I’m sorting the washing, so this particular thing has been winding me up for a while now. What you may ask … and I shall tell ya. BOXERS INSIDE TROUSERS. You know where, you actually have to pull the boxers along the legs of the trousers 😡 ITS THE ULTIMARE DISRESPECT. At what point, do I want to start getting all intimate with some dirty underpants! So off I go on one, before the sun has come up. Telling him, ‘you better sort your life out’ blah blah blah and how rude he is 💃🏻 And he just replied ‘oh grow up Lol’ 😱 It’s usually his response that dictates what way shit is gonna go down. Meaning, if he gives it billy big balls then I am ready to pounce. If his tone of voice is a bit too gruffalo, I can’t hold back. But if he’s quite chilled, then I can usually let it slide. Not always. Sometimes im full on crank. To be honest, he does take quite a lot before he really reacts. So credit where credit is due.

When we argue, we argue BIG. Which, listen in an ideal world, is dog shit. But seeing as we live in a real world, I don’t really dwell too much on it. We’ve calmed down a bit since having some offspring. Long gone are the days of me, locking him out the garden, whilst repeatedly flicking the kettle in front of him 😱 While he tried to smash the door in. These things are not big or clever. I can’t even remember what started the argument, it could have been over anything.

The main things we would argue over now are;

• Him telling Maximus & Bear off, mainly Maximus off, as Bear gets away with everything. He’ll start to tell him off, then I ‘pipe up’, he then tells me, they’re his kids too 🙄 And I shouldn’t get involved and it’s ok when I do it, then WW789 starts. I don’t know why I can’t just stay out of it … Well I do, my two main reasons are; 1- I’m with them all day, every day, so I’m allowed to go bat shit crazy when Maximus restarts the washing machine. I try and explain to him, that each day I start with a tank of patience, then as the day goes on and they both ruin my life, this patience slowly depletes. So by 6pm I want to shove their dinner in their gobs when they’re playing silly bugger games. The baby daddy however, is not with them all day. So any shit should just beeeze over him. As far as I’m concenered, he’s not allowed to react as quickly as I would!

Then secondly, whether it’s right or wrong, he’s a man! And when a man tells a kid off, it sounds soooo much worse. If my dad ever told me off, I would shit a brick! Sometimes, I try my hardest to bite my tongue and let him have his time to shine. But only if it’s the quickest of shining.

•Raisins/Hot cross buns/grapes. Yep, this is a regular hot topic 😂 He doesn’t like them anyway BUT it’s because we have a dog 🙄 Apaz they’re really poisonous to dogs, 1 could make them brown bread or they could eat 100 and then they’d keel over and die. He still tries to tell me sometimes, this is why our dog, Blue died 🙄 So whenever I toast a hot cross bun for breakfast, it’s like a military operation. Riggs has be to locked outside, incase Bear feeds him some or Maximus throws it off his plate 😂 If the kids have raisins or grapes as a snack, then I’m the worst person in the world ‘THEY DONT NEED TO EAT THEM’. I wouldn’t even mind, if I shouted at the dog not to eat something, he wouldn’t. But we can’t a take a chance in this house. So Easter is a very traumatic time in our abode 😂

• Out of date food, he won’t eat anything if it’s even a day out, he would most prob cry over it going off that day as well. Me, I’m down. He’s accepted this about me now, yet the babies he will try and tell me they can’t have it. So, that’s quite a regular argument.

• Clothes, if I dared to wash one of his tracksuit tops without the bottoms 😮 Oh that’s not going to go down well. They’ll be different colours 😱 Life wont be worth living for him. His clothes are too good for the tumble drier … Wash & iron his shit inside out. I’m basically Cinderella 😩

• The car, this is a very dangerous place for us! A lot of our biggest arguments have started in the car. I don’t know why but it’s a catalyst. First of all, I always drive. I think it’s the control aspect, so it’s never a question of whose driving. So if and when, he tries to tell me ‘you could of gone then’ ‘why don’t you go the back way, it’s quicker’. My back goes up straight away, there’s no simmering, I go full on cray. Telling him ‘I KNOW HOW TO FUCKING DRIVE’ and how I’ve had a licence for longer than him. He also pisses me off, that he doesn’t put his seatbelt on straight away, so we have to listen to the alarm for a lifetime. Which he never hears, so always takes me screaming at him. We once had an argument en route to the 12 week scan, when I was pregnant with Maximus. Shit got real, I told him he wasn’t coming, so I turned around and made him get out. I then went to the scan and didn’t ring him for hours to let him know it was ok 💅🏼 Another time, we had an argument en route home from lakeside, over him turning my music over. Shit got real again, so he threw my new purchases out the window 🤦🏻‍♀️

I know to some people, this would seem outrageous. And they wouldn’t be wrong but in reality, even though I want to punch his face in! On a daily basis, he’s not too bad. And I am fully aware of what I can be like. I would never be one of those people that thinks, it’s all the other person. So, whatever floats your boat eh.

One of the quotes I live by is …

THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE YOU WATER IT

Peace out. Love thy neighbour. Don’t judge. And remember you reap what you sow.
Alabama Lola 💋