Man flu.

The baby daddy is currently unwell, with a cold. A common fucking cold. He would try and tell you otherwise! But he’s got what we’ve all had. A COLD.

Now, he’s a hypochondriac on any normal day. But when he’s unwell. IT GOES UP 10,000 notches & makes me question my life choice. He can’t just feel like shit & cough like a normal person. Nope, when this mother fucker coughs, it’s like he’s trying to knock the house down! I’ve never heard a fucking commotion like it. And after every single cough episode, that could last a good 2minutes, comes the gag! He has to then gag & ‘run’ to the bathroom. To make out he’s going to spew his guts out. Whereas every normal person would just have some phlegm & maybe attempt to clear their throat. Oh nooooo, not him. That’s another 5minute performance from him!

I swear to God, I woke up 2 nights ago, at about 3 in the morning. To him sitting on the edge of the bed, with his massive head in his hands! Rocking. And talking to himself. But not really to himself. Loud enough for me to hear. Hence the reason I woke up. So I’m laying there, watching this heaviest piece of useless shit, rocking with a blanket draped over his shoulders. Head in hands, basically crying (I don’t mean literally crying, I mean moaning) ‘why do I feel like this’ ‘why can’t I stop coughing’ i can’t sleep’. But all this with some kind of desperation in his voice! I say nothing because I’m over 10yrs into this shit now. And I learned soon into our Couple Goals relationship, that he’s mental. And basically has munchausens. The longer I’m laying there, listening to his shite. The angrier I’m getting. Thinking GO DOWNSTAIRS!!!!! Like a normal person would do!

Eventually he makes his way to the bathroom, with the blanket still draped over his shoulders. Obvs he can’t walk like a normal human being, so to really make the point. He’s basically pigeon stepping from the bed, to the bathroom. Then I have to listen to him going all out gagging/retching in the bathroom. He’s turned the light on, doesn’t think of closing the door over. Just a selfish mug. I’m not the most sympathetic person but even less so, with him.

And how does he treat this life threatening illness he has. By taking some Berroca & drinking some fresh orange. He keeps crying about his fat head hurting but will he take a paracetamol! Nope. So SHUT THE FUCK UP MOANING ABOUT IT. Don’t be a martyr your whole life.

Yet for all his martyr’ness, the baby daddy hasn’t been to the doctors the whole time I’ve been with him. He’s not even registered at a Doctors! He just likes to save it all for indoors. And make me contemplate stabbing him to death, whilst he’s having a coughing fit. He’s not scared of the doctors, he’s just a fucktard.

I’ve had flu once in my life. And I woke up not knowing what happened to me! I seriously couldn’t move. My whole body was aching & felt so heavy. My head was banging. I didn’t shower for 3 days. I just laid in bed & only got up, to go to the toilet. So I can’t deal with his bullshit.

The other night, he watched the kids in the bath, for a few minutes! Didn’t wash them. But made out, I was trying to kill him off. Started telling me how he feels like his head is going to explode 😳 Then telling me, how I shouldn’t of asked him to watch the kids. Coz he could make them ill as well! This is what I’m dealing with. Dad of the fucking year. If Maximus, Bear & Winston turn out like him, I’m fucked. And I’ve failed. Him, his sister & mother are allllll like it. They have days off for belly aches, for fuck sake. Whereas in my family, you could be on deaths door, but we’d be driving ourselves to hospital. We’d be sitting in a&e for hours & wouldn’t be telling anyone, until someone text us asking what we were doing 😎

Hopefully the man flu is on the way out now, we’ve had a week of it already. Pray for me.

Peace out.

Alabama Lola 💋

Published by

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s