The baby daddy diaries. Petrol is life.

Once upon a time, there was a girl called Lauren & a boy called Allan, they met in a club in Epping, then become the ultimate couple goals 😎

I was driving yesterday and remembered ONE of mine & the baby daddies most epic arguments 😱

So about, 8ish years ago most prob , me and the baby daddy went to the cemetery 🤗 to visit my dead nans ashes, that are chilling with my grandads coffin. Fuck knows why because they wasn’t together from when I was at least 3. So God knows whose bright idea it was to put them together.

I don’t know why I even brought the baby daddy with me, he’d only met my nan once & that was when she was brown bread on her sofa. I had not long been with him, when I got a phone call early one morning, to say she’d died, so he drove me down to her house. And sat in the chair opposite the sofa 😱 Sod that mate! But it was the honeymoon stage, when you go out of your way for eachother & really like one another. So we did stuff together then.

But in classic us style, it still ended in WW900.

So I drove us to the cemetery, drive in, towards the car park, which is a 2minute walk up to the plot. As I’m about to park, the baby daddy starts telling me to drive up the tiny little road, which runs through the middle of the cemetery. Which, is really just for the hearses, it’s only a small gaff, not like city of London, where there’s basically a dual carriageway running through the whole thing. So our first argument started because I was saying no, you park & then walk up. He’s telling me to just drive up. Blah blah blah. I don’t know why on this one occasion i even listened to him! I never usually do.

Well as I begin to drive up, the tiny road, which is off a tiny little roundabout, THE CAR CUTS OUT 😱😱😱 Why you ask …? Oh because I’m one of those people that likes to run the car on fumes 🙋🏻‍♀️ The type of people the baby daddy hates with a passion. And even now we argue about. He loves to tell me how it will ruin the car, how it brings all the shit through the engine. All the usual shite. So the car broke down because there wasn’t a scrap of petrol in it. I’d driven from Loughton to Tottenham on an empty tank, just looking at the light on the dashboard 😎 giving 0 fucks. But obvs the baby daddy was none the wiser. Until we broke down on a bend, on a tiny road, in a cemetery.

We’re now screaming at eachother. I’m a ‘lazy’ c bomb 🤗 he’s ‘not my fucking dad’ so piss off ‘don’t tell me what to do with my car’ blah blah blah.

Then I kid you not, it gets better. Like a scene out of only fools and horses. As were screaming at eachother, I see a fucking funeral procession coming through the entrance! Hearse & cars galore 😱 And we’re in my broken down car, which is pretty much blocking their way, to their ready & waiting plot. I wanted to die on the spot there and then! This has stopped our screaming, I’ve decided I can run to the nearest petrol station, which was still about a mile away 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 I don’t know fast I thought I was but I literally sprinted, then half way there realised I’d forgotten my bloody purse!!!! So had to make a split decision, if I went back or carried on. And chanced it. So I kept running, nearly died. Had to explain the worst story ever & leave my phone as insurance 🙏🏼

Obviously I am no Usain Bolt & was quite a while coz i was unfit as fuck at the time as well. So while I was gone, the baby daddy was left in the worst situation in the whole world 😂 When I returned he was FUMING. He basically had to see the hearse round my car, for them to squeeeeeeeeeze through the tiniest gap 😂 the road is not meant for 2 cars. So fuck knows how they managed it. But can you imagine, turning up to bury your loved one. And 2 dickheads have basically blocked their final journey 🙄😱

But up I rocked with my little green can of petrol, once they’d squeezed trough. Standing at the graveside. I couldn’t get that petrol in quick enough! So we could get the fuck out of there before they’d finished up throwing in the mud & what not.

After remembering it the other day, I rang the baby daddy to remind him. And we both just laughed. How we are still together I don’t know. The things we’ve argued about, still argue about!!! 😊 Sometimes i look at him & imagine what songs we’d play at his funeral. Then other times, when he is ‘man’ so breaking something up in the garden, lifting shit, I think uhh huh honeyyyyy.

So don’t ever forget it Party People, we are ultimate couple goals. And just like everyone else. EVERYONE argues. Even the ones that make out they love their ‘best friend’ every day. Even the ones that say ‘date night with this one’ 🤢

The grass is greener where you water it!!!

Alabama Lola 💑

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