Sleepover club

When I was younger, I wasn’t really allowed to stay round friends houses. Which seemed like child abuse as a child! My dad was really strict, my mum not so much, I could of stayed out every night of the week 😂 But then in her defence, she was dealing with 5 kids on a daily basis, so prob wanted rid of some, every now and then. Whereas my dad was just living his best life errryday. We could have people to stay at ours & usually every weekend, I’d have 2 friends, then my 2 brothers would have 2 friends each as well. So it was pure carnage.

But if my dad wasn’t home, I would usually stay round my BFFs Julie’s house. To me, it was the best house ever! I’d turn up, take a bottle of fizzy pop off the front step (remember when the milk man brought all the goodies) then I’d head straight for the sweetie cupboard and pick whatever I wanted. Julie’s the youngest, so she was allowed to do whatever she wanted, so that was a bit of me. The shit hit the fan with my dad though, when he caught me staying rounding there, 2 or 3 nights on the bounce 😱 I swear he must of just spied on me, to see if I stayed out 🙄 He’s done that to me on a couple of occasions, to see I lie 😂 And defo lied, so that was always fun.

If I ever asked my dad ‘whyyyyyyyyyyy can’t I stay out’ he would just say because you don’t know peoples dads 🙄 And when I was a kid, I never really understood what he meant. BUT now I’m older and birthed my own offspring, I totally get it.

I have a 13yr old sister and she was moaning to me a few weeks ago, that my dad wouldn’t let her stay round her friends! And that he wouldn’t let her pal stay at her house either. The difference being for her, compared to me as a child. She only lives with my dad, (we have different mums) but I tried explaining his reasons, so she wouldn’t feel so mad dog at him. First of all, in the past year 2 people have confided in me, that something happened to them as children! Which is so sad! And just makes you realise how common it actually is. And for it to happen just once, is too much and can totally alter someone’s path in life. So the thought of anything like that ever happening to my children puts the fear of god into me. And for some reason, not that it’s right, I feel a bit safer having boys! The thought of having a daughter and her staying out, seems that bit worse or that it dramatically increases the chances of something happening!

Then, I can understand from my dads point of view about having a child/teenager over to stay, without any other adult being there. Would you put yourself in that position … I know some people would think, that if you were ‘normal’ it wouldn’t be anything you’d even consider as being a problem. BUT again, a couple of years ago, I know of someone being falsely accused of something by a child. Yet you still think ‘there’s no smoke without fire’

Then from my own actual experience, I remember going to a birthday sleepover, we were still in primary school. So we were either 10 or 11. All plotted up in my friends lounge, there were about 5 of us. And I can remember her older brother and his mate, who were about 14/15 being in the front room as well. We were all watching a film and I can remember him telling me to take my knickers off! Mother fucker what! Now I give it all the biggen but i can honestly remember being petrified, I was lucky that my BFF Julie was there as well, so I told her and literally clung onto her! And listen, i can’t say it’s ‘affected’ me or anything like that and to be honest it’s something I only remembered a couple of years ago. But it makes me a bit angry when I think about it, manly because he was old enough to know that shit isn’t ok! Then angry at the parents because they shouldn’t of let him be chilling in the lounge with us! If that was at my house, my parents would of said ‘Nar mate, why the fuck do you want to hang around 10/11yr olds’ and told them to get the fuck out! Nothing actually happened, so praise the lord but I should of gone home and told my parents but didn’t! So it proves to me, how easily this stuff must go on. And how it could be someone you wouldn’t even consider! When you’re thinking of someone abusing a child, you’d think of an adult I suppose but surely it would still considered abuse if it was another child?

Back in the day I was a carer, the oldies LOVED me! Mainly because I would bring them in fish n chips, Bon Bons or whatever their hearts desired. There was one lady that I’d have long deep chats with and she was telling me about the war, how she was evacuated to a family out in in Essex. And how she was ‘touched’ and made to do stuff with one of the sons from the family. She said, every night all the kids got into one bed and that’s when it would happen. So how sad to think, that she was sent away from her family to keep her safe! And that happened to her. She would of been better off staying at home and potentially being bombed!

So all of this stuff really plays on my mind, whenever I think of the babies getting older and wanting to stay out. I’m already like it now! My mother and father are not together anymore. My dad is remarried, my mother (who I’ve allowed back on the scene the last couple of weeks) apparently has a significant other and I say apparently because I don’t ask, mainly because I don’t give 2 shits. Then the baby daddy’s parents aren’t togevs either, his dad we don’t see and his mother is with someone, who I haven’t met. So there are 3 people on the scene that are nothing to do with my children, that could potentially be around them. And that shit scares me! Now I’m not saying any of them are paedophiles and I’m sure they’re not BUT that’s a chance I’m not taking. So I wouldn’t allow them to stay round one there houses if one of their life partners were there. Which I know seems extreme BUT I don’t know these people, so I really don’t see the need for them to be around the most important people in my world. I know my mum and mother in law think I’m just saying it to be difficult or mean BUT like I’ve explained to them a million times! I have no desire to be Bessie mates with any new partner of there’s. I just don’t see the point when they’ve not been together that long. To me a year isn’t a long time. And obviously I haven’t met these people, one day I will and I’d never be rude BUT I won’t be spending any significant time with them either. It’s their life choice, not mine! And as I’ve said, it’s not a secret to anyone. They’ve all been told how I feel about it, on more than one occasion. SO it really does my brain in, when they try and impose that shit on me! An example being the other day, my mother was coming to take Maximus and Bear out for a couple of hours and she was on the phone letting me know the coo. And she was talking saying ‘we’re leaving’ ‘we will’ and I was like who the fuck is ‘we’! Who do you think your coming with?! Because I’m not meeting anyone and the babies are defo not going out with anyone I don’t know! And she said her boyf and she didn’t think it would be a problem. So I had to ask her if she knew me at all! And why even give me the hump asking. I’ve also been put out when asked by the MIL if her boyf could come to one of the kids birthday parties or christenings. And my dad was shocked when his wife wasn’t invited to Maximus’ christening but in his defence, he now gets the coo and hasn’t asked or expected since. So when it comes to staying round nans and grandads, Maximus, Bear and Winston are fucked 😂 Well at least until I know they could speak properly. And even then it still worries me, coz like I said about my ‘experience’ I never told my parents! So even then you couldn’t be sure! And to be honest, if it happened once, it’s already too late! And it’s not a chance I’m willing to take!

I know it makes me sound neurotic as fuck but it’s something that really plays on my mind! And I really don’t see the need for them to stay out. I’d prefer for them to stay at home, so nans are more than welcome here 💃🏻 Maybe it would be different if they spent a lot of time with their grandparents, so we’re part of their every day lives but they’re not. They only seem them for a few hours once a week, so to me, they shouldn’t want any distractions from the kids. So really I’m giving them gift by being so extra 😬😂

So if we could all make an agreement as parents, to not let our kids stay out! It will make my life a lot easier in a few years to come when Maximus asks to stay out for the first time😭

And all the apologies for such a deep and dark subject, it won’t happen again. Peace out

AlabamaLola 🥊

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7 thoughts on “Sleepover club

  1. So true, my wifes best mate and god parent to my daughter has regular time with my 4yo daughter, taking her to cinema, chilling at hers etc. Then she got a new fella and I said no chance can my daughter go there on her own with an unknown fella knocking around. Caused mayhem with after school child care etc, but I would rather spend all my money than find out id put my child in harms way. Its sad but you cant be careful enough….

    1. No I make you right. That’s the exact thing I’m talking about. It’s mad how we think it would be acceptable & are made to feel wrong about it. X

  2. Sometimes we need to read a piece of reality that slaps us across the face and wakes us up. This post is powerful, it’s honest and it’s relevant. I don’t know you but I have so much respect for you! As a father of 3, all whom are 18 and over, those sleepover nights scared the heck out of me, even though I did not let my kids see it. I made them swear to me that if they felt uncomfortable or uneasy in any way, to call me and I would pick them up on a moments noticed. I even gave them a “sleep over” phone that I gave them with the number on speed dial, and taught them how to use it without anyone noticing. Over protective? Probably, but in that case, I don’t think you could ever be too protective. I would never question your instincts. If it doesn’t feel right, no matter what the kids think, listen to yourself. Something that I had to learn but even though things probably would have been fine, I wasn’t willing to risk it. I hope I didn’t damage them too much! 😳 (sorry about the response. Struck a cord, like a great post should!)

    1. Thanking you replying. I too, don’t think you can ever be too protective when it comes to this. But as you say I don’t want to damage them because of my fears! I can only hope, that I raise confident boys, so they could feel powerful enough to say no. And I mean that in terms of age really, because I’m sure they’ll stay out when they’re older. Xx

      1. Uhm, yes they will. And even when they are home I don’t see them. As long as I feel that they are realizing that they are responsible for their actions and to weigh all the options before making decisions, then I trust them (no matter how difficult it is, and its difficult) Now my daughter, well thats a different story! (actually it really isn’t. she will be the first to call me out 😯). Thanks for the convo. I am looking forward to future posts!

  3. When I was a kid I slept over at my cousin’s house all the time. When I was 30ish I found out my uncle had sexually abused her. He never did anything to me but memories came back, everyone having to shower together to save water 🙄, the time he came out into the kitchen naked at breakfast with an erection while cleaning his teeth. My aunt had her back to him and of course I didn’t say anything…….I just thought that must be what happened there, different from our house. Bastard. You are right to think as you do…… gotta protect those babies. Foreva

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