Mums the Guv’nor

We all have ambitions, goals, hopes and dreams. Whatever we call them. I can’t say I was ever a particularly career driven person, mainly because I’ve never known what I wanted to do in that sitch. So I’ve had more jobs than I can even remember. My worst being an estate agent, everything they say about estate agents … is true.

But I always new I wanted to be a mum. And I think you always have ideas of what type of mum you want to be. And other than Maximus and Bear loving me like there’s no tomorrow! My main aspiration has always been to be the ‘guv’nor‘ in their eyes 💃🏻 What mum says go, kinda thang.

Growing up, my dad was always the top dog of the home. When he was there, anyway. But that made it even more annoying, for me! That my mum would just let him have the guv’nor role, even though he did his own thing most of the time. So when he was home (rarely 🎉) he would lay down the law. Growing up he was really strict, over such stupid things most of the time as well. Now I can see that it was his controlling personality, which I know I’ve inherited 😱 So I have to reign that in on a daily basis.

And now I’m an adult, in a loving committed relationship … 😂 an owner of 2 children. I can see how your parents relationship, affects your own relationship. So without sounding like I need some kind of counselling sessions 😂 I feel sorry for the baby daddy sometimes because sometimes I want to end his life, just because he’s tried to make a decision or dares to moan about anything. Occasionally at the crack of dawn on a weekend morning, he might shout down for me to turn my music off, stop singing or moan that I’m hoovering at 7am. But it sends me over the edge, even though in a normal house, this shit would be classed as inconsiderate. It makes me go into full bat shit crazy mode, screaming at him that I can do what I want 💃🏻 And that he don’t run this house ☺️ When really he’s allowed to moan and don’t deserve my cray. BUT it’s because it reminds me of my dad and I feel some injustice towards my mum or women, so feel the need to go so far the other way.

Don’t get me wrong, I get on with my dad. He’s still mental and drives me round the bend. But now he doesn’t put the fear of God into moi. And I can see that he was just a product of his childhood as well. So I can see (sometimes) why he was so extra.

My mother would have ‘housekeep’ money of my dad, when we were younger. And now I don’t ‘work’ and look after Maximus and Bear, the baby daddy has to pay my way. Which I have no problemo with, i don’t feel guilty in not making money contribution to the house. Or bad for buying myself anything with ‘his’ money. And he’s never made me feel like that, ever. Which in this day and age, shouldn’t be something to be celebrated. But I know quite a few women, that would have to work themselves up to ask for more dollar and explain what it’s for! So it still does happen. At the end of the day, I’ve done my time of paying half for all the house shit, Obvs we’ve been together for a long time, so we had that time of equality. But even without that, I grew and birthed his children. I look after them pretty much on my lonesome, which he would hold his hands up to! I tidy and clean up after us all. Occasionally cook a dinner 💁🏻‍♀️ So he can swivel if he thinks I’m living off a set amount of money a week! Obvs I’m not spending way beyond our means because that’s just stupid (she says whilst still chilling in her overdraft). And every now and then the baby daddy, will plead poverty and make me feel like we’re going to lose the house … etc. So for an afternoon I might worry and then I’ll come back from Aldi 🤗 And he’ll cry that he’s not eating that shit. And then he’ll say, he sometimes has to reign me in coz I can’t eat in Marks’ cafe 5 times a week 😂 So normality will resume. Eventually I shall work again, so it’s not as though I’ve retired. But I couldn’t live with someone who thought they could control the purse strings!

When I was younger I was always scared of ‘dads’ and if my friend asked me round, I would always find out what time their dad got home, then I’d tell my mum to pick me before that time! I always felt like dads changed the atmosphere of a home. That when the dad came home, the mood changed. And it’s always bothered me. The same in my house, if my dad was home, we wasn’t as loud, we wouldn’t come in from playing out as late. The usual stuff. So it’s something I could never put up with. The baby daddy wouldn’t ever make anyone feel unwelcome, or if he had the hump he knows he best leave or stay out of the way. Again, now as an adult I’ve been round peoples houses, where the husbands mood dictates the house. And it drives me insane! If the baby daddy dared to have the hump In front of my family or friends/guests I would tell him about himself, there and then. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling being round someone’s house, when someone has the hump. And I would never dream of letting my mood show either.

So if he ever tried to be strict when the kids had friends over, or moan about the noise/mess, his life really won’t be worth living. My friends Mac and Julie were petrified of my dad growing up because he was like that. He’d moan if you came in and dropped your coats and just run up the stairs! And I know In every day life this isn’t ok BUT fuck me, can we have a day off every now and then! It’s not like he was picking them up. The knob. And I can always remember my mum trying to intercept such situations, so we wouldn’t have to listen to the moaning. And I refuse to live like I have to preempt everything that is going to happen. Just so the man of the house doesn’t get the hump.

A few weeks ago my 13yr old sister and her friend stayed over. And it came to the evening and we were downloading a horror film, with a certificate 15. So I made my sisters friend ring her mum to make sure she could watch it. As I’m now a responsible human being and know that shit is expected. And what happened next blew mine and my other sisters tiny minds! She rang home and her mum answered and she asked for her dad! He was in the bath .. so her mum said she’d get him to call back. BUT didn’t even ask what she wanted! I was like, why didn’t you ask your mum? And she said something along the lines of her dad being the decision maker! Again, the most mind blowing thing of it all was that her mum, didn’t even enquire what she wanted.

If Maximus and Bear ever ring me and ask for the baby daddy, I’ll be asking ‘why’! And then if they were to say, oh to ask if we can watch a film. Then I’ve seriously failed at being the parent I want to be! I never want them thinking that Dad is the rule maker. I know some people will be reading this and thinking, it should be a joint thing. Well I’m sorry, not in this abode, what I say goes 💃🏻 They better always think of mum as the GUV’NOR.

Love thy neighbour. Keep calm and carry on. Life is good. Don’t moan it’s contagious!

AlabamaLola 💪🏻

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