Baby daddy diaries: Part 2 – Romance is brown bread

Well the baby daddy and I have been together about 10years now. I couldn’t tell you the date we became ‘official’ so there’s no Anniversary to celebrate. I just know it was around the time of my best friend Julie’s 21st. We did split for nearly a year in about 2012 I think. We argued all the time, he thought I was being some crank girlfriend. So we split up. And I said ‘go and get other girlfriends and you’ll see what a catch I am!’ And 3/4 or girlfriends/dating gals later, he came running back πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ I am not a jealous person at all, so it honestly doesn’t bother me. We wasn’t together so he could get his end away all he wanted. I’m not saying at the time I wasn’t a wreck of a human. But I remained strong because I am strong independent woman. So without being pedantic, 10years’ish.

So within that time, we have gone through all the stages of relationships. The brand new, he’s the best thing since slice bread stage. The getting serious and moving in stage. The REALLY learning about eachother stage. Then the I hate him, he’s a prick stage. And then the oh let’s stay together stage πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚

We’ve had, let’s say 9/10 valentines days together. And we’re just a week away from this years, romantical day. So all the cards, flowers and novelty shit is in the shops. To remind us to be romantic.

Moi and the baby daddy buy eachother 2 cards, I don’t really know why. I think I must of moaned one year that his card was shit. So he now buys one shit one and one he thinks I’ll like. So basically he buys 2 shit cards now. But that’s about as romantic as it gets. And I’m not lying, or playing it down when I say. I am fine with that. I think when you are first together, you make all the effort, with cards, flowers, a gift and a swanky dinner.

First off, I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out for a meal, on Valentine’s Day. The thought of sitting in a restaurant with a load of other couples, that are rammed in like sardines, on rows of 2 tables. So close that you can hear the next tables conversation. That’s not a bit of me. Moi and the baby daddy eat at the speed of light, we don’t ever drink if we’re eating. I don’t particularly like the taste of alcohol, I’m more of a binge drinker πŸ’ƒπŸ» Plus you’d most prob have a set menu. So it just doesn’t fill me with excitement. We’ve also been known to get mad dog at eachother during meal times or if we spend too much time together. Dinners out are not exempt from our hot head’ness. We once drove up to St Paul’s, to go for a nice romantical lunch/dinner. Had an argument at the table, just before the bill came. Over what I couldn’t tell you. The baby daddy put the money down and then walked out. I presumed just outside in a huff. So I’m slowly putting my coat on, thinking I’ll keep you waiting, you prat. Oh no, I walk out he’s nowhere to be seen. So still at this point I presumed he’d walked back to the car. So again, I think, I’ll keep you waiting. So I sat outside on a bench, eventually walked back. He wasn’t there😱 When I eventually rang him, he was pretty much home, on the train πŸ˜‚ Never not couple goals πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

The baby daddy asked me the other day what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. Like he would for my birthday, Christmas or Mother’s Day. He is totally incapable of putting any thought into any gift buying. This is something that does cause an argument. I’ll have to tell him what a selfish prick he is, he should be able to pick something I’d like. BUT in reality, I don’t even know what I want. I could say I like something one day, then the next I hate it. So I don’t know how i expect him to know what I want. We don’t buy eachother gifts for anything really. I said a few years ago at Christmas that I didn’t want presents anymore. I’d rather find something to donate to. There’s honestly nothing I want or need. And the reality is, if I want something (within reason) I buy it for myself. And the baby daddy is the same, he buys what he wants. So there’s nothing left for me to buy him, with his own money 😎 So without sounding flash because there is fuck all flash about moi. I’m currently Β£500 in my overdraft and I don’t know how. So that conversation with the baby daddy will be so romantical 😱 We have all we want, so don’t need to gift eachother on the 14th of Feb. Just because the adverts are attacking you from January.

Flowers, now I LOVE flowers. And nothing makes me happier than having them all around the house. BUT I tell the baby daddy every year, I never want them from a florist on Valentine’s Day. Or Mother’s Day. I think it’s basically financial rape. They charge you at least Β£100 for the shittest bunch known to man. And then I feel bad In having to pretend for a second, that I love them. So I usually take the monies of the baby daddy and then either, go to the flower market at Columbia road. Or go to … TESCOS. Yep. There is no shame in my game. I can not warrant the waste of money, even if isn’t my money. Don’t get me wrong, if we were minted, I’d full on expect the most amazing bunch. Not just on ‘hallmark holidays’ but randomly. And if I was next level minted, I’d want a florist coming in every week 😎 But we’re not. So I am grand with my Β£30/40 worth of flowers that I have chosen.

For me anyway Valentine’s Day is just for a gesture, not full on gift buying. But it’s Obvs a day for the # The boy did good to be rolled out. Under a picture of all the yellow selfridges bags and Chanel boxes πŸ™„

Personally, I’m all for ‘men’ having a day to remind them to be romantic. If the alternative is to get no romantic day! Then take it without being sour faced! I’ve now realised that if I want or expect something of the baby daddy, I need to say it out loud on more than one occasion. There’s no point in giving myself the hump, when come the ‘day’ he hasn’t been thoughtful or got me anything I actually want. So now I tell him straight! To prevent being in a mood for the day. Relationships are all about really knowing someone, better than anyone else knows them. So you should know there strengths and weaknesses. And instead of then getting the hump at one of their weaknesses!!! Which I’ve been guilty of, on many occasions. I now balance that shit out. An example being on my 30th birthday, I told him exactly what I expected in terms of decoration. I wanted balloons, what I wanted written on them, where he could get them from. I wanted a cake. All the shit, that i do for other people. That he wouldn’t give a second thought. He has no involvement in the decorating of the house for the babies birthdays, or Easter, etc. He mainly rolls his eyes but knows that shit makes me happy. So it would honestly never enter his brain, I better get some balloons. So then I would of come down and been fuming. So I took matters into my own hands. And I’m fine with that shit. My BFF Mac internet window shops like there is no tomorrow. And leaves stuff in her basket, then her husband will use his brain and order her some of those things for presents. Or go through her window tabs on the laptop to see what pages she’s been on. He’s some kind of modern man 😱 Then I have other pals that are mad dog when they didn’t get anything they wanted! But didn’t say what they wanted! Let alone hinted. So it’s swings and roundabouts Party People.

After writing this, I’m sure it sounds like we are doomed πŸ˜‚ But the reality is, the things I class as romantic or thoughtful, are a sign of us being together for so long. So, when I’ve been hammering on for a week about recycling, not using single use plastics anymore. And then he comes home from Sainsbury’s with glass tomato ketchup and salad cream bottles, I think ahhh he’s been listening to me. That makes me happy. That he doesn’t think ‘oh for fuck sake, some other phase she’s going though’ πŸ˜‚ Or when I kept watching the Coke Zero advert, a few years back when it first came out. And kept saying ‘I wish someone would do that to me, I’d be able to tell the difference’ on a daily basis. And he did it πŸ˜‚. Or when he FaceTimes me from a shop to say they’ve got loads of Easter decorations in here, then show me what there is and then come home with the stuff he calls tat, knowing he will have to get the box out of the shed and put it back, every year. Along with the birthday boxes, the Halloween and Christmas boxes. So that to me is romantical enough. I don’t need him, to spend the dollar on near dead flowers from the florist. Or take me out for a meal. We’ve done that shit. We’re 10years in, so been there, done it.

Over and out. Roger That.

Alabama Lola ❀️

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2 thoughts on “Baby daddy diaries: Part 2 – Romance is brown bread

  1. Spot on Lauren. I’ve been married to my other half for 20 years. People ask why I use that term, it’s because he truly is my other half. We’ve done all the expensive shit on Valentine’s day but that’s done. I’ll get a card and that’s fine with me. He came in from work with my favourite coffee that’s normally only available over Christmas (not expensive just ASDA bought) but he had been online to find out which shop had any left in stock and bought it on his dinner break. That’s the romance for me. And “keeping it real” is the only way to make a relationship work long term. I love your blogs keep it up

  2. Love this so much. I’m 35 years and three grown children on with my husband and I agree with you 100%. I’ll buy the flowers I want myself, along with jewelry or anything else. But, show me that your listening to what I say is important to me or makes me happy and that beats any romantic dinner on a commercialized holiday in the middle of February. I’m so glad you started blogging. You’re a delight to follow.

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