Mum Life: No qualifications needed.

Becoming a parent is obviously a big deal. So it’s mad really, that you do the do, get pregnant and then 9ish months later … POW you’re in a charge of a brand new human. No training, no passing of any tests or security checks. You just get to go home with a baby. The only requirement being that you have to have a car seat πŸ˜‚

And then you literally learn on the job on how to parent. Not so much the newborn stuff, as they do nothing! To be honest it’s quite anti climax after a couple of days of having them 😱 Maybe not your first. But when you have your second, you realise that newborns don’t do anything. So you’re just waiting for them to show signs of their personality. But before that it’s just feeding, burping, changing nappies, all on repeat for at least 6-8weeks.

I’m talking about a year’ish onwards. I’m sure my posts on Instagram, have told you that Maximus is boisterous to fuck, testing me on the regular. And now Bear is showing signs of being the same, if not worse. God give me strength. I think the main problem is, I grew up with 3 brothers that were not best behaved. So I judge Maximus and Bear’s behaviour against there’s, so think oh they’re not actually that bad.

I think our main source of knowledge comes from our own upbringing, so we parent by default all most. Which is Obvs ok, if you grew up like The Ingalls, in a little house on the prairie. But I’m sure 99% of people didn’t have picture perfect upbringings. Which is the norm I think. I notice the differences between how moi and my friends parent, every now and then. Everyone parents differently and that’s why I always try and not judge other mums. We all have different kids, that need different discipline or rules. So each to their own I say.

I’m a shouter, which isn’t ideal and frowned upon in most situations. But I’m fine with it. My friend Mac is also a shouter, so she makes me feel better about myself πŸ˜‚ So when I’ve lost all patience, I shout like a mofo. It doesn’t even faze the boys to be honest, which should tell me I do it too much.

I also lack sympathy and really can’t stand cry baby children. So those two things combined means that Maximus and Bear get told to man up a lot. When I first had Maximus, I informed the baby daddy’s mum and sister, that certain shit will not be going down with my offspring. They’re all hypochondriacs, the baby daddy thinks he needs to be hospitalised every time he is sick, which is a lot. He thinks he has severe food poisoning every single time. And the Mother and sister in law are always ill. And the baby daddy’s nephew, Burt will cry as he’s falling. Not after, if and when he’s actually hurt himself. Like a lot of kids. And I don’t blame the kids. I blame the parents/adults around them! If Maximus or Bear fall over, hit their head, something that could potentially hurt them. I don’t say anything, until I see there reaction. Because when you react, they decide they’re hurt before actually feeling anything. It does my brain in! And then even if they have hurt themselves, I tell them they’re ok. Because they’re not bleeding, haven’t broken anything, they actually are ok. So the mother in law was informed such mollycoddling wouldn’t fly in this abode. And don’t think I’m the worst person in the world, of course if they have hurt themselves, then I give them all the love. BUT still telling them it’s ok! And I’m totes aware, I must be the daughter in law from hell πŸ˜‚ No fucks given this end. BUT it works both ways. And I could never be one of those women that lives in fear of her MIL. My own mum was like it with my nan and it wound me up like no mans business. If I require advice then I’ll ask, otherwise there my kids and I’ll do what I thinks best. Thank you, please.

Growing up in my household, unless you was pumping blood. No one cared. And it only got worse, going down the line of kids. Apart from my sick note of a sister, who really is the runt of the litter, always ill. Never ending coughs and colds, constantly had snot running from her nose. And the yellow/green tinge kind, that tells you they’re unwell. Had suspected meningitis, had whooping cough, literally a few weeks after her 1st birthday. Cut her head open whilst down the caravan (mainly my fault for chasing her with a glass in her hand). The disgusting banana penicillin medicine constantly in the fridge πŸ˜‚ But my mum would mainly tell us to shut up or she’d give us something to cry about. Mum Goals πŸ€— My friend Mac once stayed over and basically broke her thumb and my mum told her to put it in water … πŸ˜‚ Luckily our mums we’re friends, and also of the same mindset. But it’s defo something I can see in myself now as a parent. So an example of how we inherit our parenting styles.

There’s loads of things I wouldn’t want to inherit though. I know I’ll always be Maximus and Bear’s biggest supporters/fans. My mum will admit that she loves all of us but she doesn’t like any of us πŸ˜‚ And the feeling is mutual. If she was ever called into the school, about any of us (mainly Ronnie or Terry) she would just take the teachers word for it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they were correct. Whereas my brother Ronnie can remember being called into the deputy heads office and they couldn’t get hold of my mum. So they rang my nan, and the teacher was telling my nan that Ronnie had thrown a chair at the teacher and all my nan kept saying, in her Irish accent was ‘oh no not my Ronnie. He wouldn’t do that, you have the wrong boy’ just kept repeating it. So in the end, the teacher just had to say bye πŸ˜‚ Although I am not saying I would be like that with my offspring. But I’d like to sit somewhere in the middle, then base my decision on experience and common sense. Rather than just writing them off, from the beginning.

When it came to homework, my mum and dad never checked if we had done it. They’d take our word for it. I would sign my mums name every week in the planner. They weren’t really bothered about academic success, I can’t say I ever felt any pressure. Only when it came to sports, they would expect you to be on a team, or to train at something after school. And then to compete in it. I know I’d be on my boys case about school and homework. I’d be making sure they had revised for tests. Go me πŸ’ƒπŸ» I have higher hopes than Harlow Unit for them at 14.

I also hope to not beat Maximus and Bear … on the regular. But I do think that children need to have an element of fear. Otherwise you are fucked! Which I’m sure a lot of people would cry about. But my plan is for Maximus and Bear, when they’re older, so 13, onwards and turning into mini men, is for them to be frightened of moi or/and the baby daddy. For them to worry if they stepped out of line too much! I’m all for kids pushing boundaries, breaking SOME rules, that’s all part of growing up. But some things will never fly! Smoking being up there. So fear is needed, to control such drama. IN MY OPINION. My mum would give a look, that told me ‘wait till you get home’ then you’d spend the rest of your time, before getting home, to turn it back around πŸ˜‚ She was a full on crank though, she suffered with really bad PMT, offering level shit. Which obviously as a child I didn’t even know existed. And I can’t say I really suffer with it now, the baby daddy would never be able to ‘tell’ I was coming on or pre menstrual. My mood doesn’t really change. Unlike my BFF Mac who is also next level crank and could kill someone due to it, so I have a tiny understanding of it from her explanation. But without fail, each month for a good couple of years my mum would fly off the handle. And would then end in her reigning down the pain on all of us, not Carrie though. She was too weak of a human πŸ™„ She’d beat us all up, tell us she was ringing social services, blah blah blah. Well on one particular occasion, I will never forget. Beatings and shouting had occurred, telling US to ring social services, handing us the phone and all sorts! Like we knew the number. Then after she had calmed down, the usual shit, she was sorry, she’s crying, she didn’t mean it. Blah blah blah. THEN my brother Ronnie starts crying, so my mum asks him what’s wrong AND he said ‘I wanted to go live with social services’ πŸ˜‚ Reality is we could all bring her on Jezza Kyle BUT not one of us would say, we had a bad childhood or had a bad mum (growing up) she was a good mum until she went full bat shit cray. And we all appreciate that sometimes shit went down but we’re all normal and turned out ok … But like I said i don’t suffer with PMT so i won’t inherit that either. But I will watch out for Macs kids! And I won’t let them endure the same as us. Different generation we live in now days πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈMy main point being, that our childhoods, our parents dictate a lot of our parenting! Whether we like it or not. Even if we don’t want to be anything like our parents. It’s hard to not to be like them by default. And before anyone pipes up, I’m not talking about extreme cases of abuse or anything like that. Just a ‘normal’ run of the mill family stuff. So, I shall continue to raise my children as I see fit. Whilst incorporating bits of the things my mum did well. And the things she didn’t well, I’ll try to do better. However, when we’re kids we don’t realise that our mums are still people. It’s only when you become an adult and realise how hard life can be, the pressures of mortgages, bills, relationships, all the mundane shit. It’s tough! So to have to do all that stuff and then be a ‘good’ mum as well, it’s HARD WORK. When I’ve had an argument with the baby daddy, 9/10 it’s either over the phone, so he’s not here anyway or he can walk out. But i don’t get that luxury, I have to parent still! Whilst I still have the hump or feel like shit. Which is one of the hardest things of being a mum sometimes. That no matter what you have to carry on and to not take your stuff out on them! Which, listen, I’m not always able to do. Which is awful, yet real life. Sometimes I will shout at Maximus for something so stupid because I’ve got the hump. But when I was a kid, I didn’t give my mums ‘life’ a second thought. I didn’t ever think oh maybe she’s tired from being at work all day, maybe she’s got the hump because I didn’t eat the dinner she made from scratch and left in the oven, maybe shes pissed off because my dad is a selfish mug. But that is the joy of being a kid also, you don’t have to worry yet. So be kind to yourself Party People, there are NO perfect mums or dads. And if people make you think or feel like they are, it’s all bullshit. Instagram is the worst for making you feel like that. But remember it’s only the best versions of ourselves. Peace out. Love thy neighbour. Keep Calm and Carry on. Alabama Lola πŸ’Œ

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