Rage of the road variety.

In everyday life, I would consider myself an easy going person. I let most things just go over my head, rather than reacting. Although, I’m sure the baby daddy would say otherwise. But he don’t read this, so he won’t get his say 😊

Yet the car could tip me over the edge. I don’t know why! I just lose the plot if I feel like someone is taking a liberty OR makes a big deal over NOTHING. Not always, sometimes I take no notice and think oh grow up. But every now and then I become psychotic πŸ’ƒπŸ»

I passed my driving test first time πŸŽ‰ And I consider myself a good driver. I know, how big headed of me. But I am. However there are some absolute knob jockeys driving around, so sometimes I feel they need to be told about themselves. And by told, I mean screamed at in full rage mode πŸ’ƒπŸ»

My first road rage experience I can remember having. Was when I was about 19, in my Ford Fiesta, with my nan as my passenger. So I was driving in Tottenham, down a road that can become stand still, if one divvy person doesn’t let someone go, when they should. A residential road, so cars parked along both sides, with 2 way traffic coming down a single lane really. So you have to make sure, you’re paying attention and give way when needed. Even if you deem it your right of way. So, it’s the middle of summer. I go down the dog shit road, before you know it, no one is moving. So people have to start reversing and what not, to be able to clear the way. So the young’ish man opposite me, starts to reverse as required. All is well. Until the prat behind him starts bibbing like there’s no tomorrow. Frightening the poor bloke to near death. So he’s now shitting himself and doesn’t know what to do. So big bad me, gets out of the car, to let the cars know I shall not be moving πŸ™„ I have about 30 cars behind me, let’s not play silly buggar games. So eventually the dude reverses making a clear path, so I start to drive forward. So I’m now about to pass the car who was bibbing like a dick, as I’m approaching these prat women, one of them starts to slow clap … πŸ˜‚ So I started screaming, going on full on mento, calling her every name under the sun 😯 Classic moi. All whilst my poor nan, was saying ‘oh please Lolly don’t, please Lolly stop’ πŸ˜‚ so on I drove. But I’ll always remember it, mainly because now. I use the slow clap myself to sarcastically congratulate someone.

My biggest triggers for getting mad dog are,

β€’People that don’t say thanks 😱 So if I’ve given way and they can’t just put the hand up. Or flash their lights. I want them get thrush forever. When someone crosses a zebra crossing, say THANKS! I always say thanks. Whether I’m a pedestrian or a driver. So that instance will usually end up with me shouting THANKS as they pass. I feel like that is pretty standard for all drivers though.

β€’People that rush for a red light! Like are you ok in the head? So if I need to pull out of a road, a parking space, just generally out into the road. And NO one will let you out or go, even though they’re just driving up to a red light. I want to punch these people in the back of the head.

β€’Black cab drivers. I don’t care if they’ve done the fucking knowledge in a month. And drive all day, in London. They think they rule the roads and are the best drivers ever. I was driving once in London and this dick head one was adamant he was getting in front of me, as 2 lanes were merging into 1. And was a give way type sitch, so one car from each lane goes. But he thought otherwise. I was with the baby daddy and said out loud, ‘if we have to crash, we have to crash Al’ Again, I know it’s nothing to be proud of. But sometimes needs must. So I kept going, literally getting through by an inch. But I won πŸŽ‰ I find them so arrogant. They just talk shit πŸ˜‚

β€’Old people. God give me strength. First of all, i don’t think half of them can see. So they don’t even know what they’re doing half the time. They just pull out of turnings into main roads. Nearly causing carnage and just drive on without noticing πŸ™„

β€’Drivers that try to make a point. So you know when you pull out of a turning with more than enough time. But then the egg that is approaching, decides to speed up and get up your ass. To try and make out that pulled out right in front of them.

β€’Horse boxes πŸ€— Listen, I know they have to get somewhere but they still piss me off. To be fair I’m not a fan of horses. And horse people are a bit annoying as well. Sorry if you are a horse person. But sometimes I think, you think your shit don’t stink πŸ˜±πŸ˜‚πŸ’ƒπŸ»

I was once driving In a car park, admittedly I went down the wrong way. BUT it wasn’t as though I was about to steal a space of the oncoming. There was also more than enough space for us both to pass, I drove around some empty spaces, so it did not affect the man coming towards me. But the way he started carrying on, like a fucking hysterical woman πŸ™„ I shouted at him, something like ‘fuck off you wanker’ whilst doing the hand sign, incase he couldn’t lip read from so far away. I hadn’t long had Bear, so had 2 small people in the back giving it large πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈ Well he did not appreciate my comments and started to do a 3 point turn in no time at all. I’m now shitting myself, mainly because I had the babies with me. So I continue to exit the car park, which has fucking traffic lights 😭 All the while, seeing his wife trying to calm him down in my rear view mirror. I was only lucky another car came between us. And that the lights turned green quick enough to retreat πŸ˜‚ So that will teach me to give it the big old I am!

I know we can all have bad days, then get in the car and it tips us over the edge. So I do get it, when people go off at me sometimes. I have got better now that I drive around with the bambinos, as I don’t want to call it on with someone, that’s out on day release. Then end up on the bbc news, for having to drop kick the Mother fucker in broad daylight, in front of my children πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

I’m not even precious about my car, so I can’t blame it on that. I’m not about that life. It’s something the baby daddy can’t stand about me, how I don’t look after anything. But I don’t like owning anything that I feel so sentimental or precious about. He’d like to get a new car but I’m happy with my VW Golf. The minute we get a new car, he will start moaning at me, if it gets scratched or the alloys get fucked. I don’t notice anything like that, so we’d be over within a week of buying one. And if i get a new one I’m not Gona be able to decide that it has to be collateral damage, if I come up against a wanky black cab driver again, am I?!

Until next time Party People.

Alabama Lola 🚨

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5 thoughts on “Rage of the road variety.

  1. Omg I 100% agree with everything you said although you missed out people who don’t indicate!! Literally my biggest hate! I once was behind the same car from my house to a car park and she didn’t indicate once, bear in mind we went over 4 round abouts! I told her that her indicater was broken, she looked bloody mortified! Stupid cow!

  2. Your Parent and Child Parking scenario at Romford shoulda made the cut πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ That was a gooden πŸ˜‚πŸ˜

  3. What an absolute breath of fucking fresh air you are. Honestly you should write a book, you have mother hood down to a T.

    Your boys will be proud of you, and look back on this. I’m a Mam of 2 hubby away weeks at a time, holding down a job and dealing with the daily shit. However you made me laugh again and realise it’s real life this daily crap is Mother’s do. But we wouldn’t have it any other way xx

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