When I was pregnant with Bear, I can honestly say, I never felt the ‘guilt’. I didn’t worry if Maximus would feel left out or like his little brother. And i never had the thoughts ‘do I have enough love?’. I don’t know if it’s because I come from a big family, also all being pretty close in age. So it was the norm for me. And I never remember growing up thinking my mother left me out and chose another baby over me.
Maximus was 15months old when Bear was born. And during the pregnancy, I would always get asked, ‘are you worried about Maximus’, ‘Don’t Maximus feel like a baby still’, all reasonable questions, as he was still a baby. And it’s something i always see people post about. Wondering how they’ll love another like their first.
But for me, firstly I knew I was going to love my next creation. And where Maximus was concerned, I was giving him the best gift in the whole wide world! A brother/sister. So this always topped any guilt that may of been lingering.
I am the eldest of 6 😱 No my mum and dad never had a tv … I use to hear that a lot as a kid 🙄 3 brothers and 2 sisters. Being only 14months apart from my first brother. And we are all really close. So I always knew I wanted the same for my offspring. It makes my heart happy knowing that Maximus and Bear will always have each other.
All my memories of growing up involve my brothers and sister (my youngest sister is 18yrs younger than me, so I was grown). Good and bad memories. Going to the caravan mob handed, fighting with each other, ganging up on my Mother, covering for each other and most importantly, standing up for each other.
We’re all very confident, with too much to say for ourselves 🤗 Which partly comes from my dad, I wouldn’t say my mum as she is one of the weakest human beings on this earth. However credit where credits due, she will lift more shopping bags in one go, than anyone! But it also comes from having brothers and sisters, being safe in the knowledge that if shit goes down. Someone will be fighting your corner. We were always brought up to stick up for each other no matter what. And that know one can come between us. If we dared to tell a tale on one another, then it would the tale teller getting their arse tanned.
Don’t get it twisted, you grow up always wanting to punch each other’s head in. And in our case, punching each others heads in 💃🏻 It really was survival of the fittest in our house. We tried to have rules amongst ourselves, like when it came to the remote. Now, if you have siblings you know this is where most of the power is! Everyone wants to be in control of the remote. Our rule was whoever got in the front room first, was the guv’nor. But the rule didn’t always stand. As one of us would get the hump, so it would end up with a fight. We were really quite savage and I don’t know how my mum put up with us. I want to reign down the pain on the regular, now that Maximus and Bear fight over everything. No wonder she’s a full time crank.
But only we could hit and slag each other off. If someone else did it, then we would defend their honour! Yet the things we said to each other were terrible, when I think back now. My 1st brother Doug fell of a bike when he was younger and fucked his teeth, so he would always get called a ‘goofy mug’, basically anything with goofy in the front 😂 Ronnie my 2nd brother was dyslexic and generally quite thick. So he would get ‘stupid’ ‘thick’ ‘retard’ anything to make him feel stupid. Terry, my 3rd brother was the fat one 😂 For some reason he was really chubby until he hit late, late teens. So he would was always called fat and obese. He also really hated to be told he was tired 😂 So whenever we were on the wind up with him, we’d say ‘oh Tels tired everyone’ he’d then go full on hulk 😩 And Carrie was just always ill and a weakling, so she’d mainly be told to just shut up or that she was the runt of the litter 😆 I went through a spotty stage, I got chubby before having a grow, so was called fat and spotty.
Now, these are all really terrible things to say in general. Let alone to someone you’re supposed to love. BUT, I wouldn’t change it. This is part and and parcel of having brothers and sisters! It’s character building, which i really believe! It makes you tough. If you’re going to crumble every time someone calls you a name or talks to you like a bit of shit. Then I’m sorry but you’re not going to get very far in life. I can’t stand cry babies, especially cry baby adults. If someone calls me fat, then I’m not going to give them a quick ganders, then call them a ginger/four eyed mug … I am not saying it’s ok to be mean, but in some real life situations, this shit happens. Road rage being one of those. Or a fat lazy bastard of Man, parking in an Baby space, he needs to told what a fat, lazy, heart disease bastard he is 💃🏻
Character building, is one of the best things about having siblings. They prepare you for all the knobs in life. So as much as they’ve got your back, they really can be like your worst enemy at times. And say the things they know will hurt the most. But you learn to not show weakness, so eventually they try and find something else to attack you with.
I’m really lucky to have amazing friends, ones I can truly rely on for anything. And have done in the past. But I think this is slowly becoming a thing of the past. Friendship doesn’t seem important to the young’ens of today. In the age of social media, they would sell out their friends for 5 seconds of fame. Or sleep with each other’s boyfriends at the drop of a hat. They all seem to swap best friends on a monthly basis! But you can’t swap a brother or sister, they are with you for life. I know they could also fuck you over BUT I know none of mine would. I don’t think we will be on Jezza Kyle in years to come, after Doug and the baby daddy have got it on. You never know though, I suppose 😱 So I really was happy when I found out Bear was a boy, to know that Maximus could have a mate as well as a brother for life. Not that having a girl would of made me less happy. As I’m really close to my brother Doug, I could tell him anything, i could go out on the razz and have a laugh with him. Which we have done on the regs. Being close in age, means we’ve always shared a lot of the same friends. So that’s another benefit.
I know there are people who are not close to their siblings. Don’t get on at all, have nothing to do with each other as adults. Some woman came up to me in Marks’ the other day to tell me how her children all hate each other and never speak 😯 I was like ohhhhhh, that’s terrible. What do you say? What could possibly happen for you to not speak to your brother or sister? It really does baffle me. I know each family is different and all fucked up, in its own way. And people most prob think the same when it comes to moi and my mother. Which is most probably another reason, I’m so close to all my siblings. Dealing with all the dog shit together makes you closer I think.
I know it sometimes pisses the baby daddy off, how close we all are. As it can sometimes interfere with our life. He wouldn’t dare speak against any of them because he knows his life would not be worth living. We’ve been together long enough for him to know the coo now, if they need me for anything, like when your brother rings you in the middle of the night, knowing your about 8months pregnant, telling you to come pick him up. Because he’s had a fight at a work do 🙄 that I’m going to do it. Sometimes he can’t understand it and he’d say ‘tell him to get a cab’ which would result in me telling him ‘he’s my brother, don’t get involved’ which isn’t always fair but that’s life. The baby daddy does have a sister but they’re not close, so he don’t get it.
We all tell each other everything. And know that if one of us is told something. Then we are telling the others. No secrets is the only way forward. We still argue/debate over everything now. Get loud, get aggressive. But once it’s done, we’re over it. If we think something about the other we say it, none of that letting in piss you off for months and months shit.
So for me, there’s no greater gift than a sibling. They know everything about you. They’re with you from the beginning, till the end. They know you for your whole life!!!! So Maximus and Bear will be forever In my debt.
Alabama Lola 🥐