Honest parenting

I wrote a blog a while back about instagrams mind fuckness. How we look at what people CHOOSE to show us, the cringe captions they write to go with them & then decide their lives are sooooo much better than ours.

But this topic is specifically about ‘insta mums’ and how we think they’re Iceland’s Mum of year because of their posts.

So obviously I’m the maker and owner of children. So I follow plenty of ‘insta mums’ and as I post about #MumLife. I’m an insta mum as well. Which is all gravy. Now, the main purpose of this blog, is to say DON’T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU SEE! And don’t make yourself feel like shite because you’re comparing yourself against someone else. As I said in my previous blog on the subject, I look at all my feed with common sense, especially when it comes to other mums. If I didn’t, I would honestly feel like shit!

Now, we all LOVE our children, that’s never up for debate. Yet, most people on instagram, only ever declare their undying love for their kids! Telling us, how they’ve had such a lovely day, how they’ve loved spending time with their kids. Blah blah fucking blah. And I don’t doubt they did all have a lovely day. And that they do like spending time with their kids. BUT not every god damn second of the day!

So when I’m seeing these posts, I HAVE to actually tell myself that they all have shit as well! That they must shout at their kids as well! They must lose their temper and then feel guilty. They must grab their child by the arm, dragging them along the ground 😱 possibly resulting in a dislocated shoulder. They must find bath time a fucking chore! And end up shouting about the kids splashing all the water out of the bath, covering the floor. So finding the towel that you use as a bath mat, to wipe it up for the millionth time! They must start reading the book, their perfect child has chosen, and then get the hump with said child, as they turn the fucking page that you haven’t finished reading! So you end up saying ‘I’m not fucking reading it then’. They must threaten to punch their kids head in, if he kicks the back of the drivers seat one more time! THEY MUST.

But they don’t tell you any of that shit. And obviously that’s their choice! BUT it’s a mind fuck, even to people that are quite confident and strong minded in their parenting abilities. Now, without sounding wankey, I know I’m a good mum! As are 99% of mums, yet some question this about themselves. Even when I’ve had the most dog shit of days, reacted at every single thing the boys have done. I still speak to myself out loud, saying it’s ok! Its ok, to lose my temper, it’s ok to shout at them. It’s not ideal 😩BUT it’s life. And sometimes life is a bit shit. As much as I’d love to let Maximus, Bear & eventually Winston do whatever they want, that’s not real life.

First off, they’re happy. So that’s a win straight off. They’re clean, most of the time. I feed them. I spend time with them, I take them out. They live their best lives!!! So, for me, I’m doing a good job.

You see posts, about a family having the best holiday! And you get jealous! You start hating your husband/partner/baby daddy for something they haven’t done πŸ˜‚ You think that you’re the shittest family, all because of someone’s holiday photos. A photo of dad building sandcastles with the kids, a photo of them out for dinner in their best clothes, drinking cocktails, the kids are using cutlery, they’re not eating chicken nuggets/sausages and chips!! BUT let’s get real, first of all, I know that I take untold photos of the baby daddy and the kids! Mainly because it’s a miracle that he’s doing something 😎 But really for memories! So when they get older, these photos exist. So I’m sure these other baby daddies aren’t building sandcastles for hours on end! We all go out for dinner, we all get dressed up for holiday dinners, everyone has ‘the cocktail’ photo. We’ve all ordered the most over the top looking cocktail, which tastes like shit, so don’t drink. Then get the hump about paying the Β£15 for it! It’s the Instagram life we lead now 😬And their kids aren’t eating the dinner and they still get their ice cream πŸ˜‚ despite all the shit we tell them ‘well if you don’t eat it, you won’t get ice cream! Bear will, but you wont’ πŸ™„

You see some new mum, looking all size 8, no tummy and hate yourself. And listen, I post photos of myself looking all fly for a white guy πŸ’ƒπŸ» BUT it’s all an optical illusion! And I feel like I’m straight up with people! First of all, any photo I’m putting up, IS MY BEST PHOTO out of 100 I’ve taken! I have make up on, I’ve worn something other than tracksuit bottoms and a baggy top! And as always! I’ve been able to hide 3 pregnancies on instagram! With Maximus I was still taking selfies right up until I had him! Now I know a few people guessed but know one ever said It to me. And again with Bear & Winston! So if this doesn’t tell you how misleading a photo is, I don’t know what will!!!!! I would never want to put ANYTHING up and make someone feel like shite because of it! So that’s why I’m honest about everything.

Also, one of my pet hates at the moment, are BUMP photos. I feel as though it’s the fashionable thing to have a tiny bump! So all these people putting up their 6month bump photo, with NO FUCKING bump. Alright mate! Now I know there’s always exceptions, some people will have tiny bumps! BUT let’s be real, most people will have a bump! You have a baby growing inside of you. I swear they’re putting up photos from earlier in their pregnancy, 😊My point being, when you’re looking at these posts! Be realistic, don’t just take it for what you see! Because that means nothing on instagram! When I looked in the mirror this morning, I was like WOAHHHH. My skin is shit, because I’ve eaten nothing but 6 crunchies every day for over a week and drunk all the Coca Cola I can! My eyebrows are OUT OF THIS WORLD! My hair is just shoved on top of my head. And then I see some well turned out mum on there and could feel like shit because of it. But then I had a word with myself, my eyebrows are out of this world because I can’t get a fucking appointment at the same time, that someone can watch my children! My hairs shit because I decided to be a martyr and cut it all off for charity πŸ™„

The only ‘high maintenance’ thing about me, is my nails. And that’s only because my sister in law does them for me. So it doesn’t matter that all the kids are there, opening her nail box 😱 pulling apart all her colour wheel 😬 Or that I have Maximus jumping all over me, so jogging my hand, so that she has to redo the nail 😩

And whilst I hammer on about being realistic when you’re looking at peoples shit. I wish, these people would be more HONEST. That they’d tell you about the dog shit, instead of making out their mum of the year 😱 Be upfront that they have untold support or help, so it’s easy for them to flounce off and get their nails or hair done. Which in turn has given them time away from the cherubs 😎 So they then feel a little less stressed! So they will have more patience in dealing with the kids!!

That why Luisa Zuissman is my absolute fave mum on instagram, she keeps it totally real! She’s not making out, she has all 3 kids tied to her whilst she’s trying to decorate a summer house! Or make out that she’s had the best holiday with her kids, that she kept them entertained for the whole holiday by herself! No, she is upfront about having her mum to help, that she has a nanny! It makes you feel better! So you don’t feel like, she knows something you don’t know, about getting more hours out of the day! So bravo her. it’s all relative as well, everyone has shit, regardless of their circumstances! So it’s not saying anyone has anything easier than anyone else. Because we all have problems to deal with.

But let’s be responsible for our own mental health! And not allow ourselves to feel ‘low’ about snippet of someone’s best bit! And In turn, be kind to others! Love thy neighbour and all that jazz. Be upfront every now and then.

Peace out

Alabama Lola 🍭

Sleepover club

When I was younger, I wasn’t really allowed to stay round friends houses. Which seemed like child abuse as a child! My dad was really strict, my mum not so much, I could of stayed out every night of the week πŸ˜‚ But then in her defence, she was dealing with 5 kids on a daily basis, so prob wanted rid of some, every now and then. Whereas my dad was just living his best life errryday. We could have people to stay at ours & usually every weekend, I’d have 2 friends, then my 2 brothers would have 2 friends each as well. So it was pure carnage.

But if my dad wasn’t home, I would usually stay round my BFFs Julie’s house. To me, it was the best house ever! I’d turn up, take a bottle of fizzy pop off the front step (remember when the milk man brought all the goodies) then I’d head straight for the sweetie cupboard and pick whatever I wanted. Julie’s the youngest, so she was allowed to do whatever she wanted, so that was a bit of me. The shit hit the fan with my dad though, when he caught me staying rounding there, 2 or 3 nights on the bounce 😱 I swear he must of just spied on me, to see if I stayed out πŸ™„ He’s done that to me on a couple of occasions, to see I lie πŸ˜‚ And defo lied, so that was always fun.

If I ever asked my dad ‘whyyyyyyyyyyy can’t I stay out’ he would just say because you don’t know peoples dads πŸ™„ And when I was a kid, I never really understood what he meant. BUT now I’m older and birthed my own offspring, I totally get it.

I have a 13yr old sister and she was moaning to me a few weeks ago, that my dad wouldn’t let her stay round her friends! And that he wouldn’t let her pal stay at her house either. The difference being for her, compared to me as a child. She only lives with my dad, (we have different mums) but I tried explaining his reasons, so she wouldn’t feel so mad dog at him. First of all, in the past year 2 people have confided in me, that something happened to them as children! Which is so sad! And just makes you realise how common it actually is. And for it to happen just once, is too much and can totally alter someone’s path in life. So the thought of anything like that ever happening to my children puts the fear of god into me. And for some reason, not that it’s right, I feel a bit safer having boys! The thought of having a daughter and her staying out, seems that bit worse or that it dramatically increases the chances of something happening!

Then, I can understand from my dads point of view about having a child/teenager over to stay, without any other adult being there. Would you put yourself in that position … I know some people would think, that if you were ‘normal’ it wouldn’t be anything you’d even consider as being a problem. BUT again, a couple of years ago, I know of someone being falsely accused of something by a child. Yet you still think ‘there’s no smoke without fire’

Then from my own actual experience, I remember going to a birthday sleepover, we were still in primary school. So we were either 10 or 11. All plotted up in my friends lounge, there were about 5 of us. And I can remember her older brother and his mate, who were about 14/15 being in the front room as well. We were all watching a film and I can remember him telling me to take my knickers off! Mother fucker what! Now I give it all the biggen but i can honestly remember being petrified, I was lucky that my BFF Julie was there as well, so I told her and literally clung onto her! And listen, i can’t say it’s ‘affected’ me or anything like that and to be honest it’s something I only remembered a couple of years ago. But it makes me a bit angry when I think about it, manly because he was old enough to know that shit isn’t ok! Then angry at the parents because they shouldn’t of let him be chilling in the lounge with us! If that was at my house, my parents would of said ‘Nar mate, why the fuck do you want to hang around 10/11yr olds’ and told them to get the fuck out! Nothing actually happened, so praise the lord but I should of gone home and told my parents but didn’t! So it proves to me, how easily this stuff must go on. And how it could be someone you wouldn’t even consider! When you’re thinking of someone abusing a child, you’d think of an adult I suppose but surely it would still considered abuse if it was another child?

Back in the day I was a carer, the oldies LOVED me! Mainly because I would bring them in fish n chips, Bon Bons or whatever their hearts desired. There was one lady that I’d have long deep chats with and she was telling me about the war, how she was evacuated to a family out in in Essex. And how she was ‘touched’ and made to do stuff with one of the sons from the family. She said, every night all the kids got into one bed and that’s when it would happen. So how sad to think, that she was sent away from her family to keep her safe! And that happened to her. She would of been better off staying at home and potentially being bombed!

So all of this stuff really plays on my mind, whenever I think of the babies getting older and wanting to stay out. I’m already like it now! My mother and father are not together anymore. My dad is remarried, my mother (who I’ve allowed back on the scene the last couple of weeks) apparently has a significant other and I say apparently because I don’t ask, mainly because I don’t give 2 shits. Then the baby daddy’s parents aren’t togevs either, his dad we don’t see and his mother is with someone, who I haven’t met. So there are 3 people on the scene that are nothing to do with my children, that could potentially be around them. And that shit scares me! Now I’m not saying any of them are paedophiles and I’m sure they’re not BUT that’s a chance I’m not taking. So I wouldn’t allow them to stay round one there houses if one of their life partners were there. Which I know seems extreme BUT I don’t know these people, so I really don’t see the need for them to be around the most important people in my world. I know my mum and mother in law think I’m just saying it to be difficult or mean BUT like I’ve explained to them a million times! I have no desire to be Bessie mates with any new partner of there’s. I just don’t see the point when they’ve not been together that long. To me a year isn’t a long time. And obviously I haven’t met these people, one day I will and I’d never be rude BUT I won’t be spending any significant time with them either. It’s their life choice, not mine! And as I’ve said, it’s not a secret to anyone. They’ve all been told how I feel about it, on more than one occasion. SO it really does my brain in, when they try and impose that shit on me! An example being the other day, my mother was coming to take Maximus and Bear out for a couple of hours and she was on the phone letting me know the coo. And she was talking saying ‘we’re leaving’ ‘we will’ and I was like who the fuck is ‘we’! Who do you think your coming with?! Because I’m not meeting anyone and the babies are defo not going out with anyone I don’t know! And she said her boyf and she didn’t think it would be a problem. So I had to ask her if she knew me at all! And why even give me the hump asking. I’ve also been put out when asked by the MIL if her boyf could come to one of the kids birthday parties or christenings. And my dad was shocked when his wife wasn’t invited to Maximus’ christening but in his defence, he now gets the coo and hasn’t asked or expected since. So when it comes to staying round nans and grandads, Maximus, Bear and Winston are fucked πŸ˜‚ Well at least until I know they could speak properly. And even then it still worries me, coz like I said about my ‘experience’ I never told my parents! So even then you couldn’t be sure! And to be honest, if it happened once, it’s already too late! And it’s not a chance I’m willing to take!

I know it makes me sound neurotic as fuck but it’s something that really plays on my mind! And I really don’t see the need for them to stay out. I’d prefer for them to stay at home, so nans are more than welcome here πŸ’ƒπŸ» Maybe it would be different if they spent a lot of time with their grandparents, so we’re part of their every day lives but they’re not. They only seem them for a few hours once a week, so to me, they shouldn’t want any distractions from the kids. So really I’m giving them gift by being so extra πŸ˜¬πŸ˜‚

So if we could all make an agreement as parents, to not let our kids stay out! It will make my life a lot easier in a few years to come when Maximus asks to stay out for the first time😭

And all the apologies for such a deep and dark subject, it won’t happen again. Peace out

AlabamaLola πŸ₯Š

That pregnancy glow

Praise the lord I’m not pregnant anymore! I am not one of those people who enjoys being pregnant. There’s fuck all glow about me. I’m sick, when I’m not actually being sick, i just feel sick! In the early weeks I’m constipated like a mother fucker, resulting in me shoving laxatives up my bum πŸ’ƒπŸ» My hips and back KILL ME, I literally can’t get up when I sit or lay down! So when I was going to have my eyebrows threaded & tinted this time around, it seriously took me about 5 WHOLE minutes to straighten up! The girl who does them is all young & beautiful & must think ‘FUCK THAT SHIT’. I also go through a few weeks of being a miserable mofo in the early weeks, I think it’s the sickness! I turn into a really negative person about everything which is really unlike me! I wee A LOT anyway without being with child BUT when I’m pregnant, I spend about 21hours of the day on the toilet! And that’s just the ‘normal’ shit to be expected.

So factor in having 2 kids, a 1 and 2 year old😩 They require a lot of parenting, so when you feel like shit & they’re shitting like there is no tomorrow, one after the other! Or still having to go out & leave the house when you look & feel like death! Even the task of putting Bear down to sleep in the cot was a struggle when my bump started to get big. He doesn’t have a cot with a side that goes down, so I have to lift him over the side & put him down! Well try doing that when your bump is HUGE & takes me at least 10/15cm away from the side of the cot! I literally ended up putting him over the side & then had to drop him πŸ˜‚ These are the things you have to consider when birthing children so close together!

The tiredness, which hits you during different trimesters! I could be flying high for a few weeks & then POW you feel like you can’t move! Everything becomes an effort, you just want to lay on the sofa and not move. That’s why your first pregnancy is soooo amazing. Even though I had next level morning sickness with Maximus, it was just me. I didn’t have anyone to look after, so if I was tired, I could laze about or have an afternoon nap. When you’ve got other children, you don’t have that luxury! And it’s during those EXHAUSTION peaks that I would really hate my mother. All you want is an afternoon or even an hour to yourself & that’s where mums come in! But in fairness to my younger sister & her significant other, they did come over on a Sunday & walk Maximus & Bear round the park.

DRIBBLING, for some reason when I’m pregnant, I dribble & SOAK my pillow of a night 😎 So I would wake up in the night, laying in saliva πŸ€— And this time around with Winston, I had a few weeks where I had to spit allllllll day. It was like there was too much saliva in my mouth and I just couldn’t swallow it. So I would have to go around with a cup & spit in it. WTF πŸ™„

Also who knew that your boobs could start leaking BEFORE you even have the baby! Huh, I’ve had it with all 3 now. Although it started a lot later with Winston. But I’m pretty sure by about 30weeks my boobs started leaking with both Maximus & Bear! It happened more of a night, so I was literally expelling fluid from every part of my body πŸ’ƒπŸ»

Two of my favourite memories whilst being pregnant this time around, are;

Being sick in the downstairs toilet, it’s a small space! So I’m bent over, with my legs crossed 😎 Because otherwise I would of wee’d myself whilst being being sick as well! Maximus is rammed up against the wall, continuously pressing the flusher whilst I spew my guts up. And Bear is underneath me, looking over the toilet bowl, whilst I’m trying to pull him away by the neck of his t shirt πŸ’ƒπŸ» And sick is going on his head!

And my other all time favourite memory, being about 33 weeks pregnant. It’s HURTING to walk, my back feels like it could snap. The baby feels like it could fall out of my vagina. I’m pushing a buggy, whilst holding the dog lead, Maximus is on his bike. And it’s pissing down with rain 😭 I can honestly remember thinking at that point, NEVER AGAIN.

The negative & losing the will to live, is the biggest thing that cracks me though. I have to actually talk to myself, to get in the shower or bath 😱 Which obvs isn’t normal for me! My usual routine is to get straight in the shower as soon as I get up, if I’m not clean, I don’t feel like I can function during the day! I can tell you brushing my teeth, is something that doesn’t become a daily occurrence πŸ’ƒπŸ» Id brush them & then end up being sick in the sink. So some mornings gave that a knock on the head! Makeup & even looking any way presentable goes out the window! So it’s like a vicious cycle, I feel like shit, look like shit, I don’t get in the shower, so I feel even more like shit. And they pregnancy is a beautiful thing πŸ˜‚Oh and then constantly thinking your bleeding! So you could be going about your day & feel a bit ‘wet’ down below & convince yourself, you’re bleeding, so having a miscarriage! Which if you’ve had a miscarriage {which I have} sends you into overdrive. So I’ll admit now, I’ve shoved my hand down there to see if I comes out with blood on πŸ€— Dr Google … if you searched my internet history it would read … 16 weeks pregnant and can’t wee, 30 weeks pregnant and can’t sleep, 31 week pregnant and legs hurt, 31 week pregnant and back hurts. 32 weeks pregnant, is it safe to take paracetamol, 33 weeks pregnant, can I kill baby by sleeping on my back! 34 weeks pregnant, how much should baby move. 36 weeks pregnant, will having sex DEFINITELY bring on labour. Literally you google every single thing! And then read mumsnet, which for ages I couldn’t even understand half of it with their ‘DH’ & ‘DD’ lark, so I ending having to google what shit means in the end as well! And then being like a dog on heat πŸ’ƒπŸ»πŸ˜Ž The poor baby daddy because he could be riding the gravy train all week … literally. Then out of nowhere just looking at him would make me heave πŸ˜‚ And just topping it off whilst Maximus & Bear decided to get chicken pox, going on holiday at 33 weeks pregnant. Which is NOT relaxing at all, I came back feeling shattered. It took me over a week to recover from it! And that’s not me exaggerating, I truly felt drained from it. And the highlight being my bladder deciding to stop working & needing a catheter for 10days, just before Christmas!And all of this whilst your life partner doesn’t understand any of it. And in my case doesn’t even try. I can remember bursting into tears by the sink at about 35 weeks pregnant. I don’t even know what over now. But he just looked at me like I was crank! And I just started screaming that I was last knockings pregnant, I have 2 kids that try to ruin my life, I’m tired, I can’t sleep all night because pregnancy insomnia is real! So FUCK OFFFFFFFF. I think he then may of gone In the garden with them for 10minutes after πŸ™„Despite all of this though, it does blow my mind how amazing the FEMALE body is. That we can grow a baby inside of us. And even though I don’t like how I feel for 40 weeks, I know it’s an amazing blessing and all worth it for what comes out of you at the end! So all hail the woman Party People πŸ™ŒπŸ»πŸ™ŒπŸ»πŸ™ŒπŸ» All things bright & beautiful.Alabama Lola πŸ’‹

It takes a village

When you have a baby, life will change and even if you’re the most independent person, you’ll realise that a good support network makes it a lot easier/better. I think you get to enjoy it a lot more, if you have help! I LOVE Maximus and Bear all the world but I’m with them 24/7 and sometimes they make me contemplate my life πŸ˜‚ I can see why people go to work part time, it would be like a break! My BFF Mac actually said the the other day, she wished she could go to work for the day. For a rest! And I get that shit. Most of my friends have amazing mums that couldn’t do more if they tried, Mother in laws on hand, one has a sister that loves children more than most parents love their own, another has a nanny, or they have capable baby daddies! Don’t get it twisted, i could leave my offspring with the baby daddy for a couple of hours, if I’ve got one to sleep before I left 😩 But I’d still be unable to relax whilst I was out. Showing that it does take a village to raise a child.

One of my baby Mumma friends text the other day, saying she was having a shit time and that neither her mum or Mother in law had text/reached out to see if she needed any help with the kids. Even though it was obvious to anyone with eyes, that maybe she could do with some respite. Not that to look at her, you would think ‘fuck me shes struggling’ BUT she has the whole 2 under 2 thing going on, which is just her normal every day life. But then on top of that daily slog, her household had a sickness bug, plus her eldest baby also managed to break his foot, then all of this with no sleep, is going to break the CEO of mum bosses! Now none of this shit was on the down low, so it’s not as though her mum or MIL have the excuse of not being in the loop, so didn’t know to reach out.

And it got me thinking, that being a mum can sometimes be soooooo dog shit. Even if you have the most supportive of networks but how much harder it is, when you don’t have people to fall back on.

For moi, my support network comes in the form of my BFFs, they keep my sanity in check. My respite is when we all descend upon one house for some kind of mob dinner. And the parenting is shared πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰πŸŽ‰ It really does take the dairy off! And I love that all our offspring grow up together. That we celebrate everything we can, with all of us, to make their memories special. One of my favourite times to date, was when our eldest crew member Finn, started secondary school. And we all descended upon Petes house for breakfast, before he set off for the bus stop. So me and Mac (9months pregnant) were there before 7, with kids in tow. Whilst I rustled up pancakes, music on, memories being made. It really made me realise how lucky I am, to have the ‘village’ I do! And cementing the fact in my head, that you reap what you sow! If you want to be part of those important moments, then you make sure you are.

To be honest, before I had children I thought it would be a lot different to how it actually is. Firstly I thought my mum would be on the scene but she’s a full time crank, so that hasn’t been the case. When I first had Maximus, I felt like I needed to include her, to make her feel part of it. But that mainly meant biting my tongue, which eventually means you’re going to blow. So that was soon knocked on the head. When I was younger I spent any time I could at my nans house, every weekend until I started secondary school and wanted to play out, I would be at my nans house. We would go round after school, even when we moved from Tottenham to Loughton, she still lived in the deepest darkest πŸ˜‚ If my mum went out, all 5 of us would be dropped to my nans for the night. My mum has told me, she would go round there all day and sometimes stay, when she had me and my younger siblings and that she had never once said no, if asked to ‘babysit’ us. And my nan worked full time, up until I was about 7. So she knows she was very lucky to have that support. And that’s now something I really envy. I know lives are different now, so grandparents don’t just sit in every night, there out on the razz, enjoying their lives. Which listen, bravo them! Life is for living. But fuck me, everyone harps on about how being a grandparent is so much better than being a parent. But I don’t know how half of them know, as they do fuck all with their grandchildren. Or the actual bare minimum yet manage to get a photo up on Facebook! To make sure everyone sees them being grandmother of the year, for 4hours out of 1 month. I don’t even include grandads in this, as poor old Maximus and Bear have a crack head for one. And then my dad as their other 😱 And I never wanted to be left with my dad, so I defo wouldn’t inflict such cruelty on my offspring. They’d end up having to watch some shit western film all day and ask for one biscuit 😭

I think ideally you need the support of your mum when you have children, especially your first. Whether it be to come stay in those first few days, or come round daily and put a load of washing on, make you dinner, or to show you the motherhood ropes! When I had Maximus, without sounding wankey … I can’t say I felt overwhelmed by becoming a first time mum. But I think that’s mainly because circumstances meant I was independent and responsible from a young age, so it wasn’t something that frightened me. The only time I can say I appreciated my mum, was when I first had Bear, she would come round and take Maximus out for a walk or round to the park. So at least he didn’t get cabin fever. But other than that, I can’t say she was of any particular help.

It’s another reason I can see the good in social media, for people who don’t have a support network, it gives you a lifeline. There’s so many different types of parents to follow on Instagram, so you will defo be able to relate to someone on there. That’s why I think it’s so dangerous when people try to make out their kids shit don’t stink! Or on Facebook, you have untold ‘mums groups’ I’m a member of a couple local to where I live, ‘loughton mums and dads’ being my fave πŸ’ƒπŸ» I can see how mums find support in strangers. People ask questions on there about anything and everything, whether it be about recommendations for a private ENT doctor, for a diagnosis of their child’s rash 😎 Or to ask when the new Aldi is going to open 1000 times a week 😱 But a support network it is! If you didn’t have a babysitter/nanny and needed to find someone you trusted, it really would be my first port of call. I know that sounds mental or no different to that bubble babysitting app (that blows my mind 😬 ) but it’s recommendations from other mums, in a ‘community’ that you’re part of, so you trust them. And listen, when you have to start booking in a night out 3months in advance, needs must πŸ’ƒπŸ»

So walk a mile in someone’s shoes before you judge & all that jazz. Mum life is hard Party People, obviously you have all the amazing moments in there as well! Like when they’re … sleeping 🀣 On a serious note and without putting people off breeding, it is amazing to watch someone you CREATED, you GREW become a person. But make sure you go into it with your eyes wide open!

Peace out. Love thy neighbour.

Alabama Lola ❣️

Mums the Guv’nor

We all have ambitions, goals, hopes and dreams. Whatever we call them. I can’t say I was ever a particularly career driven person, mainly because I’ve never known what I wanted to do in that sitch. So I’ve had more jobs than I can even remember. My worst being an estate agent, everything they say about estate agents … is true.

But I always new I wanted to be a mum. And I think you always have ideas of what type of mum you want to be. And other than Maximus and Bear loving me like there’s no tomorrow! My main aspiration has always been to be the ‘guv’nor‘ in their eyes πŸ’ƒπŸ» What mum says go, kinda thang.

Growing up, my dad was always the top dog of the home. When he was there, anyway. But that made it even more annoying, for me! That my mum would just let him have the guv’nor role, even though he did his own thing most of the time. So when he was home (rarely πŸŽ‰) he would lay down the law. Growing up he was really strict, over such stupid things most of the time as well. Now I can see that it was his controlling personality, which I know I’ve inherited 😱 So I have to reign that in on a daily basis.

And now I’m an adult, in a loving committed relationship … πŸ˜‚ an owner of 2 children. I can see how your parents relationship, affects your own relationship. So without sounding like I need some kind of counselling sessions πŸ˜‚ I feel sorry for the baby daddy sometimes because sometimes I want to end his life, just because he’s tried to make a decision or dares to moan about anything. Occasionally at the crack of dawn on a weekend morning, he might shout down for me to turn my music off, stop singing or moan that I’m hoovering at 7am. But it sends me over the edge, even though in a normal house, this shit would be classed as inconsiderate. It makes me go into full bat shit crazy mode, screaming at him that I can do what I want πŸ’ƒπŸ» And that he don’t run this house ☺️ When really he’s allowed to moan and don’t deserve my cray. BUT it’s because it reminds me of my dad and I feel some injustice towards my mum or women, so feel the need to go so far the other way.

Don’t get me wrong, I get on with my dad. He’s still mental and drives me round the bend. But now he doesn’t put the fear of God into moi. And I can see that he was just a product of his childhood as well. So I can see (sometimes) why he was so extra.

My mother would have ‘housekeep’ money of my dad, when we were younger. And now I don’t ‘work’ and look after Maximus and Bear, the baby daddy has to pay my way. Which I have no problemo with, i don’t feel guilty in not making money contribution to the house. Or bad for buying myself anything with ‘his’ money. And he’s never made me feel like that, ever. Which in this day and age, shouldn’t be something to be celebrated. But I know quite a few women, that would have to work themselves up to ask for more dollar and explain what it’s for! So it still does happen. At the end of the day, I’ve done my time of paying half for all the house shit, Obvs we’ve been together for a long time, so we had that time of equality. But even without that, I grew and birthed his children. I look after them pretty much on my lonesome, which he would hold his hands up to! I tidy and clean up after us all. Occasionally cook a dinner πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ So he can swivel if he thinks I’m living off a set amount of money a week! Obvs I’m not spending way beyond our means because that’s just stupid (she says whilst still chilling in her overdraft). And every now and then the baby daddy, will plead poverty and make me feel like we’re going to lose the house … etc. So for an afternoon I might worry and then I’ll come back from Aldi πŸ€— And he’ll cry that he’s not eating that shit. And then he’ll say, he sometimes has to reign me in coz I can’t eat in Marks’ cafe 5 times a week πŸ˜‚ So normality will resume. Eventually I shall work again, so it’s not as though I’ve retired. But I couldn’t live with someone who thought they could control the purse strings!

When I was younger I was always scared of ‘dads’ and if my friend asked me round, I would always find out what time their dad got home, then I’d tell my mum to pick me before that time! I always felt like dads changed the atmosphere of a home. That when the dad came home, the mood changed. And it’s always bothered me. The same in my house, if my dad was home, we wasn’t as loud, we wouldn’t come in from playing out as late. The usual stuff. So it’s something I could never put up with. The baby daddy wouldn’t ever make anyone feel unwelcome, or if he had the hump he knows he best leave or stay out of the way. Again, now as an adult I’ve been round peoples houses, where the husbands mood dictates the house. And it drives me insane! If the baby daddy dared to have the hump In front of my family or friends/guests I would tell him about himself, there and then. It’s such an uncomfortable feeling being round someone’s house, when someone has the hump. And I would never dream of letting my mood show either.

So if he ever tried to be strict when the kids had friends over, or moan about the noise/mess, his life really won’t be worth living. My friends Mac and Julie were petrified of my dad growing up because he was like that. He’d moan if you came in and dropped your coats and just run up the stairs! And I know In every day life this isn’t ok BUT fuck me, can we have a day off every now and then! It’s not like he was picking them up. The knob. And I can always remember my mum trying to intercept such situations, so we wouldn’t have to listen to the moaning. And I refuse to live like I have to preempt everything that is going to happen. Just so the man of the house doesn’t get the hump.

A few weeks ago my 13yr old sister and her friend stayed over. And it came to the evening and we were downloading a horror film, with a certificate 15. So I made my sisters friend ring her mum to make sure she could watch it. As I’m now a responsible human being and know that shit is expected. And what happened next blew mine and my other sisters tiny minds! She rang home and her mum answered and she asked for her dad! He was in the bath .. so her mum said she’d get him to call back. BUT didn’t even ask what she wanted! I was like, why didn’t you ask your mum? And she said something along the lines of her dad being the decision maker! Again, the most mind blowing thing of it all was that her mum, didn’t even enquire what she wanted.

If Maximus and Bear ever ring me and ask for the baby daddy, I’ll be asking ‘why’! And then if they were to say, oh to ask if we can watch a film. Then I’ve seriously failed at being the parent I want to be! I never want them thinking that Dad is the rule maker. I know some people will be reading this and thinking, it should be a joint thing. Well I’m sorry, not in this abode, what I say goes πŸ’ƒπŸ» They better always think of mum as the GUV’NOR.

Love thy neighbour. Keep calm and carry on. Life is good. Don’t moan it’s contagious!

AlabamaLola πŸ’ͺ🏻

Instagram = 34% apr

I imagine I’m one of the last few generations that remembers a time without, the internet, WiFi and social media. I can remember not being able to use the internet if my mum was on the landline. Going on a night out without a camera phone. My first holiday to Magaluf, when I was 17, over 15YEARS AGO {well that’s Uber depressing} with actual disposable cameras! How times have changed, in such a short space of time.

I honestly do feel sorry for the teenagers and youngens of today. Growing up with Facebook, Twitter and mainly Instagram. There every move documented on there. But the main thing being, how they’ll never grow up without comparing themselves to others. It’s just part of normal life now. And as an adult, I’m guilty of doing the same thing. Looking at peoples perfect pictures and deciding they have the best life ever! But I’m not 14/15/16 years of age, where, since the age of 12 this has been burnt into my brain! When I was growing up, the only things I really had to ‘compare’ myself against where either my friends, who are all dogs πŸ˜‚ So I always felt high on life. Or magazines, so I could look at the pictures and think ‘oh but she’s a celeb’ but nowadays, all the kids are looking at other girls there age, size 8, perfect hair, with professionally done make up. So it is their real life. They really do have it quite shit and don’t even know it. Instead it will creep in as some kind of anxiety or depression. It’s a whole new minefield for parents of teenagers.

I’m a big fan of social media. Instagram being my first love. First of all, it’s my way to vent. I don’t ever try and make it all doom and gloom. Because I think life already has enough of that. And I for one, can’t stand doom and gloom people. They zap me of any positive energy! So I try and vent and make light of the dog shitness!

Then I enjoy being nosey and looking at everyone’s photos. Peoples homes, what they’re wearing! All the usual stuff. And then every now and then I can convince myself, that these strangers lives are perfect. And mine is so wank! I have a couple of people/accounts that give me this envy, more than any others! God knows why.

It’s actually crazy, how we look at one photo and make the most wild assumptions! One photo! And we decide that someone has the most perfect relationship/children/home, car or whatever! But how our brain comes up with all of this, by looking at a photo.

Yet in every day real life, we know that everyone has some kind of shit going on. But when scrolling on Instagram, we lose common sense.

I think I’m pretty honest, i don’t try to be wanky with anything I post! I don’t feel like a wanky person … But even I get on my hands and knees and sweep all the boys toys, out of the way of the wall, I like to take photos of them In front of! My kitchen table mostly houses folded washing all week. But when I’m putting up my photos of balloons and bunting, I’ll put it away. I personally don’t like looking at other peoples shit, so I wouldn’t want people to look at mine. Instagram does make me want to be a better person. Otherwise I’d be living in squalor πŸ˜‚

I’m a lot better at looking at posts with ‘common sense’ now. When I see someone posting a picture of their nails, with a fuck off rolex. I think oh grow up. If you want to post a photo of your watch, just own it! Or an insta video listening to some shady music In their car, letting us know it’s a BMW, Mercedes, Range or any other desirable car. Again, I think ok, grow up you flash mug. I think the older you get, the less you are impressed with such shite. Especially, living in Essex, it can be quite poncey. And I’ve been around all this flash Harry’s since the land of time. In the words of Shania, they don’t impress me much. Do I want to own a Rolex but still live at home with my mum … no I don’t. Do I want to drive a Range Rover but still rent my house, no I don’t. I totally get, people work hard and like nice things. But I really don’t understand why anyone would want to own a 20k watch … and defo don’t get the need to own more than one!

If I wanted to drive a Range Rover, I could, just like everyone else round here. Just like they do. But having it on finance. Which, listen I don’t judge. But when it’s all they post about, I’m embarrassed for them. Get a personality. We can all live our best lives on tick!

Then all these beautiful bombshells that can make you feel like a dog, as soon as you see them. But have you noticed they all have the same creamy smooth skin … I’m all for an Instagram filter. But I can honestly say I’ve never ‘face tuned’ or airbrushed my photos. Mainly because, you actually do have to leave the house … so I’d rather someone think, she’s a dog in her photo and real life. Rather than see me out an about. And think, fuck me she looks nothing like her photos. I see such people on the regular. And without sounding mean, I look at them and think ‘you’re ropey as fuck in real life’. And it’s because everything they put up is make believe. They can’t even be content with getting a make up artist, to do their make up on a standard Friday night. And it’s because Instagram makes us believe, only perfection is acceptable. We only put up our best photos!

The same with all these donuts that post # The boy did good. And the love of my life shit. Then they split up with the love of their life and a month later, they’re with another love of their life. Using the exact same captions 😎 I die inside for them. This is another con of growing up in the age of social media. All your relationships are put out there. Although I know a few ‘oldies’ that do the exact same thing. New boyfriend every few months and fall in love within a day πŸ™„

I follow a few people who I don’t know personally. But friends of friends would know, so gossip goes down Party People. Let me tell you. So when I see one particular gal posting about her amazing boyfriend, I think but he steals money off you … and you know about it? So that’s the opposite of amazing. Now I’m not saying, she should write ‘my boyfriends a thief’ as her caption. BUT don’t post about how amazing he is, trying to convince the world that you are # Couple Goals!

My point being, don’t measure the value of your relationship or SELF against one photo on social media. It’s all bullshit. Look at it with your eyes wide open. Don’t hate your baby daddy because he hasn’t gifted you a Rolex for your push present. Instead think, I’m so glad my baby daddy didn’t take out a finance on a watch, to make me happy for 1 day. But then moan every month that, he’s got so much to pay for πŸ€— I’m not saying everyone’s living on finance. Coz some people are proper minted but most people are not, they’re just trying to keep up with those real life minted people. Champagne lifestyle on lemonade money …

Don’t let Instagram actually affect your mental health!!! We all, only share what we want people to know!!!! So count YOUR own blessings and not someone else’s!

Peace out. Step in the name of love.

Alabama LolaπŸ’‘

Baby daddy diaries: Part 2 – Romance is brown bread

Well the baby daddy and I have been together about 10years now. I couldn’t tell you the date we became ‘official’ so there’s no Anniversary to celebrate. I just know it was around the time of my best friend Julie’s 21st. We did split for nearly a year in about 2012 I think. We argued all the time, he thought I was being some crank girlfriend. So we split up. And I said ‘go and get other girlfriends and you’ll see what a catch I am!’ And 3/4 or girlfriends/dating gals later, he came running back πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ I am not a jealous person at all, so it honestly doesn’t bother me. We wasn’t together so he could get his end away all he wanted. I’m not saying at the time I wasn’t a wreck of a human. But I remained strong because I am strong independent woman. So without being pedantic, 10years’ish.

So within that time, we have gone through all the stages of relationships. The brand new, he’s the best thing since slice bread stage. The getting serious and moving in stage. The REALLY learning about eachother stage. Then the I hate him, he’s a prick stage. And then the oh let’s stay together stage πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™€οΈπŸ˜‚

We’ve had, let’s say 9/10 valentines days together. And we’re just a week away from this years, romantical day. So all the cards, flowers and novelty shit is in the shops. To remind us to be romantic.

Moi and the baby daddy buy eachother 2 cards, I don’t really know why. I think I must of moaned one year that his card was shit. So he now buys one shit one and one he thinks I’ll like. So basically he buys 2 shit cards now. But that’s about as romantic as it gets. And I’m not lying, or playing it down when I say. I am fine with that. I think when you are first together, you make all the effort, with cards, flowers, a gift and a swanky dinner.

First off, I couldn’t think of anything worse than going out for a meal, on Valentine’s Day. The thought of sitting in a restaurant with a load of other couples, that are rammed in like sardines, on rows of 2 tables. So close that you can hear the next tables conversation. That’s not a bit of me. Moi and the baby daddy eat at the speed of light, we don’t ever drink if we’re eating. I don’t particularly like the taste of alcohol, I’m more of a binge drinker πŸ’ƒπŸ» Plus you’d most prob have a set menu. So it just doesn’t fill me with excitement. We’ve also been known to get mad dog at eachother during meal times or if we spend too much time together. Dinners out are not exempt from our hot head’ness. We once drove up to St Paul’s, to go for a nice romantical lunch/dinner. Had an argument at the table, just before the bill came. Over what I couldn’t tell you. The baby daddy put the money down and then walked out. I presumed just outside in a huff. So I’m slowly putting my coat on, thinking I’ll keep you waiting, you prat. Oh no, I walk out he’s nowhere to be seen. So still at this point I presumed he’d walked back to the car. So again, I think, I’ll keep you waiting. So I sat outside on a bench, eventually walked back. He wasn’t there😱 When I eventually rang him, he was pretty much home, on the train πŸ˜‚ Never not couple goals πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

The baby daddy asked me the other day what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. Like he would for my birthday, Christmas or Mother’s Day. He is totally incapable of putting any thought into any gift buying. This is something that does cause an argument. I’ll have to tell him what a selfish prick he is, he should be able to pick something I’d like. BUT in reality, I don’t even know what I want. I could say I like something one day, then the next I hate it. So I don’t know how i expect him to know what I want. We don’t buy eachother gifts for anything really. I said a few years ago at Christmas that I didn’t want presents anymore. I’d rather find something to donate to. There’s honestly nothing I want or need. And the reality is, if I want something (within reason) I buy it for myself. And the baby daddy is the same, he buys what he wants. So there’s nothing left for me to buy him, with his own money 😎 So without sounding flash because there is fuck all flash about moi. I’m currently Β£500 in my overdraft and I don’t know how. So that conversation with the baby daddy will be so romantical 😱 We have all we want, so don’t need to gift eachother on the 14th of Feb. Just because the adverts are attacking you from January.

Flowers, now I LOVE flowers. And nothing makes me happier than having them all around the house. BUT I tell the baby daddy every year, I never want them from a florist on Valentine’s Day. Or Mother’s Day. I think it’s basically financial rape. They charge you at least Β£100 for the shittest bunch known to man. And then I feel bad In having to pretend for a second, that I love them. So I usually take the monies of the baby daddy and then either, go to the flower market at Columbia road. Or go to … TESCOS. Yep. There is no shame in my game. I can not warrant the waste of money, even if isn’t my money. Don’t get me wrong, if we were minted, I’d full on expect the most amazing bunch. Not just on ‘hallmark holidays’ but randomly. And if I was next level minted, I’d want a florist coming in every week 😎 But we’re not. So I am grand with my Β£30/40 worth of flowers that I have chosen.

For me anyway Valentine’s Day is just for a gesture, not full on gift buying. But it’s Obvs a day for the # The boy did good to be rolled out. Under a picture of all the yellow selfridges bags and Chanel boxes πŸ™„

Personally, I’m all for ‘men’ having a day to remind them to be romantic. If the alternative is to get no romantic day! Then take it without being sour faced! I’ve now realised that if I want or expect something of the baby daddy, I need to say it out loud on more than one occasion. There’s no point in giving myself the hump, when come the ‘day’ he hasn’t been thoughtful or got me anything I actually want. So now I tell him straight! To prevent being in a mood for the day. Relationships are all about really knowing someone, better than anyone else knows them. So you should know there strengths and weaknesses. And instead of then getting the hump at one of their weaknesses!!! Which I’ve been guilty of, on many occasions. I now balance that shit out. An example being on my 30th birthday, I told him exactly what I expected in terms of decoration. I wanted balloons, what I wanted written on them, where he could get them from. I wanted a cake. All the shit, that i do for other people. That he wouldn’t give a second thought. He has no involvement in the decorating of the house for the babies birthdays, or Easter, etc. He mainly rolls his eyes but knows that shit makes me happy. So it would honestly never enter his brain, I better get some balloons. So then I would of come down and been fuming. So I took matters into my own hands. And I’m fine with that shit. My BFF Mac internet window shops like there is no tomorrow. And leaves stuff in her basket, then her husband will use his brain and order her some of those things for presents. Or go through her window tabs on the laptop to see what pages she’s been on. He’s some kind of modern man 😱 Then I have other pals that are mad dog when they didn’t get anything they wanted! But didn’t say what they wanted! Let alone hinted. So it’s swings and roundabouts Party People.

After writing this, I’m sure it sounds like we are doomed πŸ˜‚ But the reality is, the things I class as romantic or thoughtful, are a sign of us being together for so long. So, when I’ve been hammering on for a week about recycling, not using single use plastics anymore. And then he comes home from Sainsbury’s with glass tomato ketchup and salad cream bottles, I think ahhh he’s been listening to me. That makes me happy. That he doesn’t think ‘oh for fuck sake, some other phase she’s going though’ πŸ˜‚ Or when I kept watching the Coke Zero advert, a few years back when it first came out. And kept saying ‘I wish someone would do that to me, I’d be able to tell the difference’ on a daily basis. And he did it πŸ˜‚. Or when he FaceTimes me from a shop to say they’ve got loads of Easter decorations in here, then show me what there is and then come home with the stuff he calls tat, knowing he will have to get the box out of the shed and put it back, every year. Along with the birthday boxes, the Halloween and Christmas boxes. So that to me is romantical enough. I don’t need him, to spend the dollar on near dead flowers from the florist. Or take me out for a meal. We’ve done that shit. We’re 10years in, so been there, done it.

Over and out. Roger That.

Alabama Lola ❀️